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Paddles Jokes

My wife handed me two kayak paddles and asked, "Which one do you want?"

I said I'd take either/oar.

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

I needed some paddles for my canoe

So I found someone selling some on Craigslist. I went over, but his directions were all screwed up and there wasn't any cell coverage so it took me three hours to find the place. And then when I got there he tried to charge me four times what he'd posted on the site! So I argued with him for wha...

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

There was a huge fight at the boat store.

Paddles were on clearance for 90% off, and people went crazy trying to get them.

It was quite an oar deal.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead come to a raging river.

They meet a wish granting wizard just before it. The brunette goes first, “I wish to be strong enough to swim across.” She grows bug muscles and swims across.
The readhead next, “I wish to be handy enough to build a boat to get a cross.” Her wish is is granted, she cuts down a tree hollows it in...

A guy goes fishing with Jesus in a small boat.

In the excitement of bringing in a fish one of the paddles gets dislodged and starts to float away. No problem I'll go get it says Jesus, and he just steps out and walks over to where it is and picks it up casually walking back to the boat.
Later his friends are asking him about their time on the...

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Pissed off God by not seeing everyday miracles.

There's an old joke...

There's a flood. A man is standing in knee deep water in his house. Another man in a canoe paddles by and says "Get in I'll row you to safety!"

The man says,"No thanks. I've prayed and God will save me".

The water gets to his chest. Another man in a bass b...

Little Green Man

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. There is no one else in the bar besides the bartender and this guy. Things are slow so the bartender says to the guy "Hey you want to see something cool?" The guy says sure. So they both hop into the bartenders car and start driving. They drive for 30 min b...

The Queen of England is on a cruise

When they see Christiano Ronaldo thrashing for help in the middle of the ocean, being violently attacked by a great white shark.

But before she can have her staff do anything, a speedboat comes by, and in it is Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez! They pull up to the shark and hit it with paddles ti...

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Three tourists are hiking through a massive jungle when suddenly a group of tribesmen pounce on them.

The tourists are surrounded by the tribe who all wield spears or clubs.

The tribe leader comes forth to them and says:
"We have caught you trespassing on our land. You'll be killed but it is tradition in our tribe to give you one final wish which we will fulfill to our greatest extent."...

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

Discipline is important

A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase,...

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Fishing with Jesus

A guy is out in a canoe fishing with Jesus when while reeling in a fish he gets a little excited and knocks the ores overboard. Oh shit now what are we going to do? Relax say's Jesus I got this, and gets out and walks over to the paddles, grabs them and walks back to the canoe.Later on in the bar th...

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A young boy was playing with his toy train...

A young boy was playing with his toy train in the living room. In a loud voice he says, 'The train goes zoomin' around and zoomin' around and zoomin' around!" Followed by, "Ding Ding!! Now arriving at the station! All you mother fuckers that want to get off the train, get off the train!. All you...

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An old man goes fishing by himself....

He has been a widower for the last 15 years and really has not been social since his wife passed. One day he decides to go out fishing early in the morning, so he packs up his canoe and gear and heads out to a local pond. Hours pass and he has not caught a thing, from the other side of the pond he h...

Military ranks

GENERAL:
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a spe...

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

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