This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?

Shits intense.

Plants are incontinent

They soil themselves

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What does the incontinent man say when having sex?

I cant tell if I'm cumming or going!

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What’s the difference between an incontinent nymphomaniac and an epileptic corn farmer?

One shits and fucks and the other shucks in fits.

What do you call an incontinent rapper?

Poo Stainz!

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What do incontinent monkeys do?

Shit macaques

Finding out my spouse was disabled and incontinent...

Was a wife-changing experience.

I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ...


Why couldn't the incontinent man print his documents?

He couldn't Ctrl+P

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The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

Why did Australia pee their pants?

They were feeling incontinent.

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What do you call a bunch of countries uncontrollably shitting all over the earth?

An incontinents problem.

My new line of heavy duty adult diapers will be called pangaea pull-ups,

It's for the super-incontinent

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What do you call it when you shit yourself during the first meal of the day?

An Incontinent-al Breakfast

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?


Which continent has the most elderly people?

The incontinent.

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm incontinent

No time to talk.

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