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Incontinent Jokes

Did you hear about the incontinent woodworker?

He specialised in staining chairs

Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?

Ctrl-P

Plants are incontinent

They soil themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?

Shits intense.

What do you call an incontinent rapper?

Poo Stainz!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an incontinent nymphomaniac and an epileptic corn farmer?

One shits and fucks and the other shucks in fits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do incontinent monkeys do?

Shit macaques

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the incontinent man say when having sex?

I cant tell if I'm cumming or going!

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

Finding out my spouse was disabled and incontinent...

Was a wife-changing experience.

Why couldn't the incontinent man print his documents?

He couldn't Ctrl+P

I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ...

"Depends"

What's the difference between Chuck E. Cheese and Russia?

One is a dark, dank hole, lead by a flea infested disease carrying incontinent rodent giving cheap prizes for worthless tokens.

The other sells pizza to children

I visited my grandfather in hospital……

he didn’t look well and had gone downhill from last time I saw him. He told me that he is now incontinent.
I said I know grandad, you are in Australia!

Why did Australia pee their pants?

They were feeling incontinent.

My new line of heavy duty adult diapers will be called pangaea pull-ups,

It's for the super-incontinent

A guys mother in law comes to live with him

One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad new...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bunch of countries uncontrollably shitting all over the earth?

An incontinents problem.

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm incontinent

No time to talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

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