Last Words Jokes - 66 Hilarious Last Words Jokes

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

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Man, I still remember my grandpa's last words...

"Stop playing with that shotgun you little fucking cunt."

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I’ll never forget my grandpas last words.

Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!

I remember my dad's last words before kicking the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were

I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids

What were the last words spoken at the Last Supper?

"All right- everybody who wants in the picture, get on this side of the table!"

The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!”

Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

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I still remember my dad’s last words before he died…

He said: “I’ll pass.”

What would a sous chef's last words be?

"I wish I had more thyme"

(Not so) famous last words…

Col. Arrow Gant: Ha, at this range they couldn’t hit an ele….

Start Trek Unnamed Ensign: Hey Wesley, look at this cute little…

Me: Honey, what do you think of this vegetable slicer for your Mother’s Day gift…

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

What was Johann Sebastian Bach’s last words?

I’ll be Bach

What were James Brown's last words?

I don't feel good

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it‘s 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it‘s ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let‘s have ...

What is a redneck's last words?

“Hold my beer and watch this!”

I still remember my fathers last words...."you selfish boy"

So i became a fishmonger, to follow his dying wish.

My grandfather's last words..

My Grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

My grandpa’s last words before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”

That spoke volumes.

Famous Last Words

List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up:

Tarzan: "Who greased the vine?"

I cared for my sick dad in his last days, and I'll never forget his last words

"I think those were the wrong pills Billy."

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

But I dont want to commit suicide

Patient's last words

A seriously ill patient is lying on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask,

Plug the tube. Suddenly, the patient began to twitch and his mouth was squirming. There seems to be something to say. Upon seeing this, the pastor standing nearby bent down and asked softly Said: "Do you want to say somet...

My friend's dad just died and his last words were "Be positive"

We could have saved him if we knew his blood type

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

As long as I live I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me...

GODDAMMIT BOY BE CAREFUL THAT THING’S LOADED!

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A painting of Custers last words

Two guys in a museum are looking at the same painting. One says to the other,
“what does that mean?” Refereeing to the painting in front of them showing underbrush, in the desert, with Indians copulating behind a bush. Top of painting showing Jesus on the cross.

“Its custards last words”...

On my mom's death bed, she exclaimed she was probably going to Hell & asked if I had any last words for her

I told her ... put in a good word for me.

Why couldn't Marie-Antoinette finish her last words?

She got cut off.

A man faced execution by firing squad and was asked by the officer in charge if he had any last words...

Safely behind his men, the officer shouted, "SQUAD! PREPARE TO FIRE ON MY MARK! I WILL COUNT DOWN AND GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE! PRISONER, DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS? THREE!"

The prisoner said, "Yes sir, I do."

The officer shouted, "WHAT ARE THEY? TWO!

The prisoner shouted "ABOUT....

executioner: any last words?

prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your...

Any last words?

Three criminals get the death penalty - the method of execution is by electric chair.

 

On the day of the execution, the first criminal sits in the chair. The guard asks him: "Any last words?", to which the criminal says: "I believe in God and I know for sure that He will pro...

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What were the old-time gangster's last words?

"Who put this fucking violin in my violin case?!"

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I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?

My feet are killing me!

What was Stephen Hawkins Last Words?

Shutting down.

The executioner asked, "Any last words?"

The criminal replied, "I just want one more clickbait article".
Executioner: "What happens next will shock you"

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

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Last words

A man and his friend were driving down the road when suddenly a truck ran a red light. "Oh fuck!" he yelled, as the truck slammed into their car on his side.

Unfortunately, the man was very badly injured. As he sat there dying, he gasped "love".

Confused, his friend said "love what? ...

Donald Trump’s last words in office:

« I’m not Orange, Impeached. »

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint

"Say your last words!"

"Your last words!"

-

Since this is now on the front page, hello world. Buy shares in hair, I hear it's growing.

And now, [a short intermission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wOD9TWynM). Albatrosses will be served shortly.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

Find yourself a woman who holds you as tight as Nancy Pelosi holds her impeachment articles

My step-dad’s last words were his worst:

“Be back in a Quibi”

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.

[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

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My parrot died today…

His last words were

“Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die”

Been married 30 years and I always have the last words when arguing with my wife

“Yes, Honey.”

I also remember my grandfather's last words. He was very weak, bedridden in hospital, and had lost the power of speech. He had signalled for me to give him paper and a pencil. He died right after writing it.

It said,

*"You are standing on my breathing tube"*

A man stepped on a pufferfish and said his last words

Wow, this blew up!

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

Last Words

There was a man in the hospital who was very old and most likely not making it out so his family went to the church to get the pastor to say goodbye and the hospital, so the next day the pastor visits the man in the hospital, but the man suddenly is gasping for air and can't breath so he grabs a pen...

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I cocked my pistol and asked my girlfriend, "Any last words?"

4 hours later, I shot her.

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Custer's last words

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

Famous last words between Two Scientists...

Let's try it this way.

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Heroic last words

There was a guy looking at his basement. He had a wide open space that he thought, "I could fill this space with an amazing painting." He thought about what was most important to him, and hired a painter.

When the painter came in to look at the space the man said, "I really admire Custer fro...

Last words from Steve Jobs to Tim Cook

"When things start going south, when others try to change the way we make our products, when we are perceived as not innovating anymore...
you make a stand!!!"

What were the fish's last words before it hit a wall?

Dam

What were the last words of Jesus?

Wait till my father hears about this!

At his death bed, Achilles realized that they where going to loose the war and uttered his last words.

Defeet hurts.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

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Can everyone in this sub please brighten my day up a bit? My parrot died last night.

His last words were "Oh fuck, I think my parrot is dying!"

Whenever I wake with a terrible hangover, I proudly invoke the inspirational last words of the philosopher Socrates who died saying:

"What the hell did I drink?"

My grandfather passed away recently and I'll never forget his last words

"Son, that gun's loaded". So tragic, RIP grandfather

I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed:

'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'

I'll never forget my father's last words to me...

"Tell your mom I'm going to the store, I'll be back in a bit."

What were the dying frog’s last words?

Who knows? He croaked before he could say them.

What was Danny Phantoms last words?

Im going ghost

Im sorry

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