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Husband arguing with wife

This husband was complaining to a buddy that him and his wife were arguing and he hadn’t been home in a few days. His buddy told him what he does when he argued with his wife was to sneak into the house, lift the bottom of the sheets to the bed, and slide up until he was in between his wife’s legs a...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

Drinking in Afghanistan

A Scottish man, Englishman and Irishman are caught drinking in Afghanistan,

Since drinking is illegal, they are sentenced to death, the queen is merciful and gives them each a hundred lashings of a whip and a wish before they go up.

The Scottish man is first and wishes for a pillow to ...

A drill sergeant took his platoon to a mine

They began training as usual, but as they got deeper into the mine, he began insulting them more personally than usual. Once they reached the bottom of the mine, one soldier couldn’t take any more and started lashing out at the sergeant.

The other troops broke up the fight that ensued, and o...

Another, yet different, three doors in hell joke.

So a man who who has just died was judged, and sent to hell. When he got there, the Devil stated that there were three doors, each leading to a different punishment, you were set free once someone else picked your door. Behind the first door was one of Satan's demons lashing a man with whips and cha...

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The Traveling Salesmen

One night a travelling salesman found that he had stayed on the road too long, and that he was stranded in the middle farm country with no place to sleep. Naturally, he sought refuge at the nearest farm house. The farmer agreed to let him stay, but only as long as "you don't sneak upstairs to my dau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white, black, and Mexican are in hell...

A black man, a white man, and a Mexican die and are sent to Hell. The Devil looks at them and says "You can choose any shield of your choice, and if you survive 3 lashes from my whip you can go to Heaven."

The Mexican says "I want a shield of diamond." It breaks on the first lash and he doesn...

An officer and a DUI

Having had a good lashing of booze at a village pub, a good local boy gets in his car to drive home. He's swerving all over the place, barely missing tree after tree. A police patrol spots him, pulls him over and ask the man to step out of the car.

"Excuse me sir, we have reason to believe y...

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