In Time Jokes

...and it still can't see the last time you got laid.

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

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Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai... read more

However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"

"Before"

A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The c... read more

He becomes Was Smith

Its natural beauty was unpresidented.

Last year was 2020 and again in less than 2 months it's gonna be 2022

Stop me if you heard this joke:

Jimmy magically traveled back in time hundreds and hundreds of years.

He walked around the village feeling very superior to these uneducated and backward people. Saw them practicing with bows and arrows, riding horses, etc.

He walked up to the me... read more

As reality started collapsing, the heroes struggled to stop it but couldn't figure out what was the reason behind it. Even Dr Strange furiously searched for the source of this calamity until a young sorcerer apprentice Ned started yelling.

"I found it! I found out what was the absolute point"... read more

Too bad though, war crimes are now justified

Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Prophet

All three of them in short order find themselves arrested and sentenced to death by guillotine.

The first priest walks up the scaffold and gets strapped to the guillotine and the blade comes flying down and-- stops an inch above his neck! "It's a sign from God!" he cries. "You have to let me... read more

I came too early.

Me as a child: “I wish that I were an adult!”

But can it see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

There was this farmer that every morning would wake up and the first thing he would do is fart. Wet farts, dry farts, stinky farts, and especially loud farts. His wife would constantly tell him, “Honey, you really need to go to the doctor and have them look at that, one day you’ll end up farting you... read more

William Holsfermeyer was frozen in 1990, waiting for a cure for his fatal condition. The doctors chose Independence Day to bring him back.

\-Mister Holfsermeyer, can you hear me?.

\-Mmmmfpppffff!.

\-Yes, yes!. That is good. Let me remove the tube from your mouth. Better now?.... read more

20+ years of experience required.

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice, secured i... read more

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u... read more