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Fecal Jokes

Fecal implant success rate...

One terd

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A fecal transplant donor..

Really gives a crap

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A doctor was performing a fecal transplant when he suddenly became blind.

Shocked, he loudly declared: "I can't see shit!"

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Has anyone else heard of the Fecal Donation Program?

Or am I the only one who gives a shit?

Where did the librarian keep all his fecal samples?

In the scatalogue.

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Had to give a fecal sample today but the nurse said it wasnt enough. She asked I would be willing to give her another sample.

I told her I couldn't give two shits.

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What did constipated Yoda say to his fecal impaction?

"I shit you not."

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A group of scientists was doing an experiment involving the bacteria in feces. They asked for donations of fecal matter from the public...

...but nobody gave a crap

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There were a couple of strange items at the estate sale of a eccentric collector. One was a couple of Dolly Parton's used bras, the other King Edwards used Enema...

The appraiser was surprised that they sold at all, especially the used enema, as it still had fecal matter on it. What surprised him most is that the enema actually sold for more money than the bras. The auctioneer wasn't surprised at all because he plays poker and knows that a royal flush always ...

Old Lady Takes her Husband to the Doctor. doctor asks whats wrong,"What did he say " says the old man. "he asked whats wrong" says the old lady.

She tells the doctor the old mans problems, he keeps asking what was said, and she repeats it all to him in a loud voice..At the end the doctor tells her he will need a Urine Sample and a Fecal sample. The old man says "what did he say" the old lady tells him "He wants to see your underpants"

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If you see a turd lying on the ground

it's usually in the fecal position

What did a constipated Moses demand while on the toilet?

"Let my fecal go!"

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Ole and Lina...

Ole had to go to the doctor for a physical.

Doctor: well, Ole, I need a urine, fecal, and semen sample form you this year.

Ole: what’s that doc? I couldn’t hear you.

Doctor: I need a urine, fecal, and semen sample.

Ole: what?!

Lena: oh for Pete’s sake, give ...

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I came up with this myself in the shower, hopefully hasn't been done before.

Two pieces of poop are arguing in the toilet bowl.

The piss gets _pissed_ by this and decides to ask them what they are arguing about.

The poop says, "Stay out of it, piss. It's fecal matter."

I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write a whitepaper on my results.

It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”

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What do you call shitty A.I.?

Arti-fecal Intelligence

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If you poop your pants, it’s not just a shitty situation.

It’s a fecal matter.

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What do you call it when you get so drunk you poop your pants and wake up curled up in the corner like a baby?

Fecal Alcohol Syndrome

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A woman visits a doctor to get her sick husbands results.

But the doctor tells her "We're sorry, but the usual tests were inconclusive. We're not sure what is wrong with your husband so we'll need to test everything we haven't tested yet. We'll need his urine sample, blood sample, semen sample and fecal sample."

Woman nods and goes home to her sick ...

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A 90 year old man used to tell me this same joke every time I saw him.

I went to the Dr. today. He said he needed blood, semen, and fecal samples....So I gave him my underwear and walked out.

SAMPLES

An older man is having a tough time hearing and decides to do something about it. He makes a doctor appointment and takes his wife along. The doctor looks the man over and says, "Well, this is a common problem for a man your age. I'd like to see a urine sample, fecal sample and a sperm sample." The ...

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A business owner is looking to have a painting commissioned...

He has this decently sized white wall in his office, and asks a local artist to paint a mural on it.

The artist asks, "Well, what kind of mural were you thinking?"

The owner is a huge American History buff. He thinks for a bit, about the revolutionary war, the civil war... he decides ...

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An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

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