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Fattest Jokes

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was...

Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi

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An American walks into a pub in Australia...

...says ''I'll have a bud light.'' The bartender replies ''You're an American, right?'' The guy says ''How did you know, was it the beer or my accent?'' To which the bartender replies ''Neither, you're the fattest fuck i've ever seen in my life.''

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Man and logic

So a man had three girlfriends and he needed to choose one of them to marry so he gave them each 5 grand to see what they would do with it

The first spent it all on herself- getting her hair done, nails done, outfits so that she could look amazing for him

The second took the money an...

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God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.

*poof* All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.

Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so ...

What do you call the fattest man in Ethiopia?

A tourist.

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Fattest Pig Contest

One day 3 farmers are coming back from town when they see a sign for the County Fair coming next month, right below the main advert is another for a Fattest Pig Contest. The farmers have pigs on their farm so they think they should enter.

When they get back to the farm the first farmer goes ...

According to a news headline, the world's fattest family has lost 600lbs.

One of them died.

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Businessman

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kind...

What do you call the world's fattest cellist?

Yo-Yo Mama

What are the fattest letters?

O.B.C.D

If I had to name 5 of the fattest people I know,

your mom would be 3 of them.

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A man walks into an Australian bar. . .

He says to the bartender, "Give me a pint of Bud Light."

The bartender says, "You must be an American."

The man says, "Well yes I am. What gave it away? Was it my accent? Was it the beer I ordered?"

The bartender replies, "Nah, mate. You're the fattest cunt I ever seen"

Yo momma so fat

she is seven out of ten fattest people I know!

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A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match...

The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.

It's because the cons outweigh the pros.

Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with illegal immigrants crossing their southern border...

I guess they became Americans after all.

I asked my British friend what he looks for in a woman. He said he likes "big bums"

So I went out and got him the fattest hobo I could find

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An American tourist to London find himself in the East End

It's a hot day, and he's thirsty so he stops into a pub for a refreshment.

He walks to the bar and asks, "Can I get a Budweiser please."

The barman looks him up and down and gruffly says, "You're American, right?"

The tourist chortles, "How can you tell? Is it my order, or the a...

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The Ladder To Success

A man dies and wakes up in heaven. After he walks through the pearly gates, he finds a ladder going to another floor. He climbs up, and finds an ugly looking woman. The woman goes, “fuck me, or climb the ladder to success.” The man, turned off by the woman’s looks, continues up the ladder.

H...

I once told a joke...

... about Chinese people and the Corona Virus. An overly sensitive and overweight female co-worker said that just because I'm Asian, doesn't mean that the joke wasn't racist...

I asked her, "So if i tell a race joke, does it mean I'm a racist?"

She responded, "Yes, telling a joke based...

Hotel genie

A blonde, skinny red head, and fat brunette all go to a hotel and rent a room. The brunette goes up first and goes to the bathroom. There she looks into the mirror and sees a genie. The genie says "tell me a true statement and I'll grant any wish, tell me a lie and you die". The brunette thinks to h...

I made an obesity joke the other day and this woman came up to me afterwards, quite a big boned girl.

She said, "I think you're fatist!"


I said, "No. I think you're fattest."

Did you hear about the sumo match happening at the prison tomorrow?

They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.

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A Jar Full of Hundreds

A man walks into a bar and notices a jar full of $100 bills. He asks the bartender about the jar.

"That jar? You put in your $100 and you go over there behind the first door. See it?"

"Yeah", says the guy. "What's behind it?"

"The ugliest, fattest girl in this county. You have ...

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The 3 farmers

Once there was 3 really poor farmers. One day they saw a flier for the county fair. World's fattest pig wins 1 million dollars. There pig wasn't fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea. They trained a monkey to put corks in bottles. After a week of training the monkey. They throw the monkey in...

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A little lizard is walking along a tree branch...

Something wonderful hit his nostrils. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before. He followed the scent to another branch where he saw his friend, the Koala Bear, smoking the fattest joint he had ever seen.

"Damn, K-Bear, that's the dankest weed I've ever smelled!" said the lizard....

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Always choose success.

A man is walking down the street one day and comes across a ladder reaching to the heavens. His curiosity makes him climb it. He comes across the first cloud and laying on it is a beautiful and sexily dressed woman who gives him a choice.
"You can either take me right now or climb the ladder to ...

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

A couple wins a free day at a golf course

But just a few minutes into the game, the husband breaks the window of one of the most luxurious houses nearby.

When they arrive to try to talk their way out, the door is open, and a man with a luxurious robe stands next to a expensive looking broken crystal lamp.

- are you the owner o...

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An attractive woman walks up to the bar to order a drink.

As she's waiting on her drinks, there's a lone man sitting at the bar who's obviously had a few.

He looks at the woman and says, "Ma'am, you have the finest ass I've ever seen, and I would take a bite out of it, if given the chance."

"You better watch yourself," she replies, "because ...

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Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Kim jong un were driving down the road...

Donald was driving , Barack was in the passenger seat ,and Kim Jong Un was riding in the back seat.

Trump was going 90 miles an hour in a 60 MPH zone.

Trump notices in the rear view mirror a cop was pulling them over.

“I’m gonna need to see your license and registration” said ...

The weight loss program

A man wants to lose his beer belly, so he signs up for a free weight loss program he read about online.

On the first day, he hears a knock at his door. He answers it, and sees an extremely attractive woman standing there.

"If you catch me, you get to keep me," says the woman.

So...

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The Five-Kick Method (long)

A very famous and successful attorney from NYC was hunting ducks in the countryside. He was having a bad day in the woods as there didn't seem to be any ducks at all to be hunted. Then, all of a sudden, he saw the most beautiful, fattest duck of his life swiftly take off, so he aptly aimed and shot ...

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The Giant Tapeworm

The fattest man in the world was proud of his accomplishment, he made a good living doing interviews and doing meet and greets for people in awe of his size. He noticed over time he was suddenly losing weight rapidly through no effort of his own. He ate more to compensate but still continued drop...

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