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Mythic Jokes

What mythical creature fights for the rights of other mythical creatures?

Unioncorns.

What do mythical beasts and honest politicians have in common?

They don't exist.

What do you call mythical cheese?

Legend dairy

What mythical creature always gets lost?

A where-wolf

Which mythical creature has the hardest time reproducing?

A Unic- horn.

Where do you punch mythical horse people?

In the centaur of mass!

What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station?

A metro-gnome

Which mythical creature casts no reflection?

All of them, technically.

Have you heard the one about the mythical giant squid?

It's a kraken!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you need before having sex with a mythical creature?

Consentaur

How do you describe a mythical cow?

Legendairy

What do you call the mythical creature that is half horse, half virologist?

The Centaur for disease control.

What would Dwane Johnson be if he transformed into a giant mythical bird?

He’d be The Roc.

What did one mythical sea creature say to the other?

What's kraken?

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

Have cryptozoologists ever proven the existence of a mythical creature?

Not yeti.

I was going to post a really long joke about a mythical fire breathing animal

But it'd drag on.

After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...

Because I'm Dragon Ass

What do you call a mythical milkshake?

Legendairy

(credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)

What mythical monster of the sea clucks while going on drug enduced rampages?

The crack-hen.

[Possibly OC] Objectifying women has been going on since mythical times.

For example, in Greek mythology, a female elf was called a Shelf.

In a mythical world, a priest made out of vegetables stepped up to the alter..

“Lettuce pray. “

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

A Warrior Cuts off the head of a Hydra formed by fusing 8 mythical beast,

and 2 heads Grows in it place,

he cuts those off and 4 grows,

he cuts those off and 8 grows,

he cuts those off and 16 grows,

he cuts those off and 32 grows,

he cuts those off and 64 grows,

he cuts those off and 128 grows,

he cuts those off and the Hyd...

A good lawyer, the Tooth-fairy, Santa Claus, and a homeless man are walking down the street,

They see a 100$ bill, who gets it?

The homeless man obviously, the rest are mythical creatures

What do you get when YouTubers Rhett & Link pass away?

Good Mythical Mourning

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You already know the legend of the Foo Bird...

...named after its purportedly plaintive cries of "Foo! Foo!" but renowned for its feces, which is said to become a deadly toxin on the skin upon exposure to air, giving us to the common piece of wisdom, "If the Foo shits, wear it."

However you may not know about the brave explorers who set o...

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite mythological creature.

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

Was walking past a friendly coworker the other day when he stopped me and asked..

Friend: You see that dude over there? (he points to this guy obviously screwing sound)

Me: Yeah, what about him?

Friend: He's a mythical creature.

Me: (*Chuckling*) What are you talking about?

Friend: Just look closely. (I lean in and squint to get a better look) Don't yo...

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Three men arrive at a forest.

They have heard of a mythical lake that grants any wishes, so they went to the forest to search for it. Within 5 minutes of walking, they have miraculously found the magical lake.

The lake spirit, sensing the arrival, solidified from thin air to address the group. "Welcome to the mythical lak...

An Irish Whaler (Long)

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a...

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