UPJOKE

Eastern European Jokes

Where do potty-mouthed Eastern Europeans come from?

Vulgaria

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

I recently got an Eastern European maid to help clean around the house

I gave her the vacuum and she said she’d start right away. When I came back from work, she was still vacuuming, 8 hours later.

She was a Slovac.

Eastern European Charade

I am stuck between Russia and Poland.

I am getting hit very violently.

Yellow is one of my two colors.

What am I ?

.

.

.

.

.

.

**A tennis ball in Dubai Semi Final**

.

Made an Eastern European friend on a chess forum.

He was my Czech mate.

My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages

It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.

What is an Eastern European’s favorite food?

Coleslav

As an eastern European living in a western country, dealing with bureaucrats always brings me to tears

Their rudeness and arrogance make reminds me of my homeland, it makes me so nostalgic.

How Do I Know That Eastern European’s Love Board Games

Because I Have A Czech Mate Who Told Me So.

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, “Name?”

“Vladimir Putin”

“Country of Origin?”

“Russia”

“Occupation?”

“No, no. Just visiting.”

In 2002 Justin Timberlake made a hit song about Eastern European waterways.

It specifically talks about a river in Crimea.

(edit: I originally got my Justins mixed up, thanks for the comments :) )

When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats...

they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.

Why did the eastern European man crash on his way to work?

He was Russian

I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.

I had to check czech cheques.

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation

Though Transylvania is mostly rivers and mountains, a new outdoor sport is achieving newfound popularity. Folks have been flocking to the calmer parts of the Olt and Danube to try out for a crew, the competitive paddling fad usually found in lakes. In fact, the sport has spread from the region to th...

What's it called when you beat your eastern European friend at strategy board games.

Czech Mate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do firemen and Eastern European prostitutes have in common?

They both go down on poles.

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stranger enters a saloon in the Far West.

When the bartender asks who he is, the stranger says: "I'm the best gunslinger in Mexico."
The bartender challenges him.
"Oh yeah? Prove it"
The Mexican replies: "I can draw a piece of art with only 6 bullets, ese".
He takes his colt out of his holster at an incredible speed and shoots ...

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CAR PARK SCAM: BEWARE!

Please BE WARNED! Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam whilst out shopping.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. ...

Don't get lost in the mountains

Disclaimer: I know this is a childish joke, but I like it and when you tell this one at a party with drunken people, you can almost guarantee a laugh from everyone.

A journalist went to a village in a mountain range to learn about their traditions. He walks up to the village elder and asks: "...

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story

When I was going to college (in eastern european country), the dorms had only one toilet and they were locked after midnight. One night my friend wakes me up saying that he has stomach issues and cannot hold it in. We go to the window in the corridor and he puts his ass out of the window and eases h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Life is like a fountain"

A boy grows up in a poor Eastern European country. Every Saturday at services his rabbi ends the sermon by saying, "Life is like a fountain." The boy remembers this whenever he has a hard test, or he is bullied at school, and it helps him cope.

When he gets older, he decides to move to Ameri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Viper

One day a man gets a phone call: "The Viper is coming in two days!" an ominous voice says, and hangs up.

The man is confused, not knowing who this Viper is or why he is coming. The more he thinks about it, the more worried he becomes.

The next day, another phone call: "The Viper is co...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.