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Pharmaceutic Jokes

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A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

Our Pharmaceutical company's records show that people prefer Pill A and Pill B...

But I think Pill O is being slept on.

In Soviet Russia, the government regulates the pharmaceutical industry.

In America, the pharmaceutical industry regulates the government.

How did the pharmaceutical company make big money with their line of biotics?

By making them go pro.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?

By measuring its defficacy

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So I found out Viagra's pharmaceutical name.

Mycoxafloppin

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What’s the pharmaceutical name for Viagra?

Macoxaflapin.

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Pepsico have teamed up with a leading pharmaceutical company to created a viagra infused soft drink.

I cannot wait to pour myself a stiff one

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

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Why does Trump want his Viagra from American pharmaceutical companies?

He doesn't want foreign countries interfering in the next erection

A pharmaceutical company specializing in nature-based products …

… was investigating reports that the bark of the Ningwood tree had the potential to help men with urinary incontinence. They tried different doses and found that the highest levels did result in some relief. In a press release about the trials they noted that more Ningwood makes it hard to pee.

Why should you never keep pharmaceuticals under the roof?

To avoid it becoming a drug attic.

Why are pharmaceutical chemists considered such studs?

They're able to make a fun-gal cream.

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Do you know the pharmaceutical term for Viagra?

*micoxxyphloppin*

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A pharmaceutical truck full of Viagra was stolen today.

The police said to be on the lookout for hardened criminals

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.

Just like the children of Kabul.

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
...

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

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A couple of German jokes...

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Becau...

Two guys are in a meeting at work

The first guy says "Hey I think we should stop testing our products on animals."



The second guy tells him "look, I know it sucks but animal testing is an unfortunate necessity in saving human lives - look at the pharmaceutical industry.



The first guy goes "yeah, but we ...

Prescription drug recall

The pharmaceutical company AvKare has issued a recall for two of their drugs which were accidentally switched. An antidepressant and a drug to treat erectile dysfunction.

This explains why my grandfather has been so moody yet my grandmother has been so happy!

With all the NSFW jokes here lately, we could use a nice clean joke

A pharmaceutical salesman was staying at a bed and breakfast in a small town while on a business trip. The B&B was run by a kindly old gentleman and advertised three square "southern" meals a day and a relaxing country feel.

While the salesman was eating his breakfast, he noticed what app...

Won't GO Away

A man wakes up one morning with a huge erection that just won't go away. After a couple of days, he is really concerned, so he puts on the baggiest pair of trousers he can find and heads for the drug store. He enters the store and goes to the pharmaceutical section. The lady there asks if she might ...

Yale is rescinding Bill Cosby’s honorary degree.

He still has his Doctorate of Applied Pharmaceuticals to fall back on.

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would w...

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