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Monotone Jokes

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Jeff, we got a Problem!

Man finds magical lamp.
Man rubs lamp.
Genie emerges.

Genie (bored monotoned voice required) : I am a genie. As you probably know I bestow wishes. There are a few ground rules. No wishing for reviving the dead, No wishing to fall in love, and you only get 3 wishes, so no wishing for li...

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A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

The strange man counting on the bridge

A man was walking on a bridge over the water, when he came across a strange man that was counting out loud, however he kept repeating the same number over and over again. "21, 21, 21, 21" he would say constantly and in the same monotone voice.

Interested The man walked up to the one counting...

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Sad Times

Just arrived home after seeing a good friend and fellow campervanner take his last, I was to honoured to have been there at the end. This was a man who had dodged a snipers bullet in the Falklands, had survived many armed patrols in Northern Ireland. A man who had walked away from a high speed motor...

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