Dried Jokes - 23 Hilarious Dried Jokes

What did the Dried Fish say to the other Dried Fish?

Long time no Sea.

Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit.

On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.

I now sell dried fruit for a living

It’s my current job

I've been offered some work with a dried fruit company.

Just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

How do you address an audience full of dried seeds?

"Ladies and lentil-men...."

I accidentally sat on a bag of dried fruit the other day

Guess I *have* been on a date this year!

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A little girl asks her mother, “Mommy, how was I born?”

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So w...

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I tried filming myself eating dried meat with an old cine camera

But it was jerky

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?

It was an apricotastrophe.

I met a girl who didn’t like dried fruit.

Well I certainly couldn’t interest her in a date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

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Why did the dried up semen cross the road?

I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

I would never buy trail mix without dried fruit or chocolate.

That’s just nuts!

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds. He sits down and orders a beer from one hell of a beefy, muscled bartender. He takes a shakey sip from his dark, dark beer, puts it back down, and asks about the lemons as old and shriveled as he is.

"We have a ...

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what do you call dried cum?

sement

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

Sean Connery had fallen on hard times. His work had completely dried up.

Then one day out of the blue his agent rang and said "Sean, I've got a job for you. It starts tomorrow, you've got to get there early, for 10'ish." Sean frowned "For 10'ish? But I havent even got a racket!"

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused...

What do you call a dried up Chinese guy?

RAsian

Sorry.

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A treasure hunter found gold inside a pile of dried turds.

He went through a lot of hard-shits to get it.

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