I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me to shove dried pasta up her butt

She was really into anal pennetration

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?

It was an apricotastrophe.

We were stranded at sea with dwindling supplies of dried food and canned meat. Some of the guys started to catch birds and eat them or barter them for other food,...

...so I took a tern for the wurst.

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

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A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear...

Sean Connery had fallen on hard times. His work had completely dried up.

Then one day out of the blue his agent rang and said "Sean, I've got a job for you. It starts tomorrow, you've got to get there early, for 10'ish." Sean frowned "For 10'ish? But I havent even got a racket!"

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

Upon discovery of some sandstone deposits in a dried-up river, Mr. Watson questioned Sherlock Holmes on how he could be so sure it's sandstone.

"Why, it's sedimentary, my dear Watson!"

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

...so we’re going to go on a date next week...

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

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Why did the dried up semen cross the road?

I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

I would never buy trail mix without dried fruit or chocolate.

That’s just nuts!

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds. He sits down and orders a beer from one hell of a beefy, muscled bartender. He takes a shakey sip from his dark, dark beer, puts it back down, and asks about the lemons as old and shriveled as he is.

"We have a ...

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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly,...

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A 10 year old girl asks her mother "mommy how was I born?"

The mother smiled and replied,"Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed starterd to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So...

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I was really pissed when I saw a idiot trying to row his boat in a middle of completely dried out lake bed

If I knew how to swim I would have gone there smacked him one.

I met a girl who didn’t like dried fruit.

Well I certainly couldn’t interest her in a date.

What did the two dried fish say to each other?

"Hey! Long time, no sea."

Wait, you didn’t hear about the terrorist attack on the Dried Fruits and Nuts convention?

I guess you don’t follow currant events.

I saw the best Halloween costume. The guy had dirty clothes, dried blood- the works.

“Zombie?” I guessed.
“No. Art major.”

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