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One evening, I was laying in the bed with my wife, she looked a little bit sleepy already.

Thinking, it could bring some spice to our intimate life and light up the evening, I said: "Let's play doctor".

She agreed.

Bitch. She wrote me for September saying, her schedule is unfortunately already full.

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

What do you call a sleepy Irishman?

Mel O’Tonin.

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

Snow White gets into a hot tub and starts feeling a little happy

Happy gets out and she starts feeling a little grumpy.

Grumpy gets out and Bill Cosby gets in and she starts feeling a little sleepy.

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

What is a sleepy dragon's favorite steak?

Flamin' yawn.

A tourist found himself in a sleepy little country village.

He approached one of the locals and asked to take him to the oldest inhabitant.


The villager replied, ' Well sir, we ain't got one now. He died last week.'

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The giant monster cannibal was eating a large amount of people, he asked why he started feeling sleepy after eating a group of women who were out drinking. He asked his other giant monster eater friend why he felt sleepy

He said, “because that’s a bar bitch you ate.”

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American tour bus pulls up at a small Mexican village.

After a few hours shopping one of the tourists asks a sleepy local laying by a tree the time. The guy throws back his poncho, leans over and cups the balls of a donkey with his hand, lifting them up and down, "it's 4:35 senoir." Astounded the tourist calls to his wife, "git over here and see how the...

Yesterday I went to a job interview very sleepy and stoned

I was hired

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

What do you call a sleepy father getting pizza for his kid?

Papa Yawns

I was really sleepy driving across the border..

But luckily I had Jesus take the wheel.

Some Are Sleepy or Grumpy

A recent survey showed that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

What kind of food causes you to breathe fire when you're sleepy?

A filet mignon

A squirrel in the refrigerator

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies...

Not sure why but I suddenly came over sleepy the other day

Turns out dwarves don't like that kind of thing.

What kind of bees make you sleepy?

Cos-bees

Why was Benjamin spinning around and sleepy?

Because Benadryl.

What did the sleepy yogi say when he hit snooze?

Namaste in bed a bit longer.

A man was sitting in his car while it was running in his garage. He started to feel sleepy...

He was exhausted.

Did you guys hear about that sleepy motorcyle that fell over?

It tried to stay standing, but it was just two-tired.

You know that feeling you get in the middle of the afternoon when you're really sleepy and tired..

There's a nap for that

Microwave shows up sleepy at work...

Accidentally warms up food instead of the plate.

What do you get from a sleepy skeleton?

Skeletonin :)

Late one night, Snow White was feeling sleepy

The other dwarves found out and it was a big scandal.

7 dwarves were in a room and they started feeling sleepy.

So he left.

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Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Lynne. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What a...

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Hey Lou, what's going on?

Trump: "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Who is this?"

Biden: "It's Joe! What's up Lou?"

Trump: "Joe!?" (Covers phone; turns to advisors) "Sleepy Joe called here, calling me Lou!"*everyone giggles in back ground*

Trump: "Shhhh! Wait wait, quiet! Yeah Joe! Sure, I'm Lou!"*Tru...

Two friends meet up, one of them has bandages over his ears

-Hey, man, what happened?

-Well, I was still sleepy when I was ironing my clothes in the morning, I heard my phone ringing and put the iron against my ear!

-Oh man, that’s rough. Hold on, you burned your ear, but why is the other one also bandaged?

-I immediately called an ambul...

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A farmer tries to liven up his sleepy town

Thinking himself a funny guy, he decides to put a joke of the day on the fence post next to his vegetable stand by the side of the road. Not long after, a man with a shit-eating-grin on his face comes walking up the driveway towards the farmer's house. Knocking on the door, the passerby says to the...

Teacher to a sleepy kid in class: Who invented the Steam engine?

Student trying to act awake: What sir?

Teacher : Correct, James Watt invented the steam engine.


[not mine, I heard it a few years ago, just had this in my thought train]

What did the lawyer call the sleepy judge?

Yawner.

Two women meets in the afterlife,

\-Hello, My name is Mia!

\-Hello. Mine is Emma. How'd you die?

\-Well... I froze to death.

\-Oh my.. what a terrible way to die!

\-Well it wasn't that bad. I was shivering from cold, but then I felt a warmness and I got really sleepy, Then I died. How did you die?

...

How do you describe an owner of a couch store who's sleepy?

He's SofaKing tired

Dentist : "open wide"

My wife with her reflex : "i am tired and sleepy"

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followe...

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In the sleepy village of Erbum

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertsfordshire lives a lady by the name of Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub named "The Cock Inn". Her mail is addressed:




Linda Lykes

The Cock Inn

Erbum

Tillet, Hérts.

Cracks the mailman up wi...

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little frisky. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her: “Honey, would you take me upstairs?”

Horrified, she replies: “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?” he asks, grinning at her.

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”


“No way. It’s just too ri...

Sleepy pilot

What did the tired pilot say to his crew?

I think I'm gonna crash

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Detective Shakespeare and his new partner Jameson are on a case...

the Murder of a young man named Jonathan, Detective Shakespeare arrives first and asks the neighbors and the witnesses, he writes the name of 10 people as suspects, after further investigations, he narrows the number of suspects down to 2 young men, Maximilianus and Tobias, then Jameson, who oversle...

What do you call a sleepy relative of a paper towel?

A napkin.

A farmer had a problem; His hogs were not mating. At the feed store he ran into the local veterinarian and

asked for advice. The vet said, “Farmer Heffelfinger here had that same issue and managed to resolve it himself by artificial insemination”.
The farmer, not knowing exactly what that term meant asked how he will know if it has worked.
“Well, they’l be real sleepy the next day”.
Back on t...

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

[NSFW] The seven dwarfs decided one day that they’re going to watch Snow White get undressed

So they go outside and stack themselves on top of each other to peer through her window:

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

...

“She’s taking off ...

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A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

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A taxi driver is driving a passenger

With radio blaring local news. The passenger asked the driver to turn down the radio. After minutes of no response, the passenger got impatient and tapped the driver’s shoulder.

Suddenly the taxi swerved to the left, narrowly missing a car and skidding uncontrollably towards a newsstand, and ...

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

Its time for class, Ms. Smith noticed a few empty seats, 3 students were late.

"Good morning everyone, we have a new student to greet today, his name is Timmy, although he appears to be late."

Just then, Jen walks into class "sorry im late Ms. Smith, I lost track of time while blowing bubbles."
"That's okay Jen, just dont make a habit out of it okay?" Ms. Smith repli...

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Two men are standing a heavens gate...

.. The queue is moving slow and they get talking to one another.

"So how did you wind up here?", the first man asks the second.

The second man sighs and says, "I froze to death."

"Did it hurt? “ asked the first.

" Not really. You get cold, then sleepy, then just drift o...

A man walks into a pet store...

A man walks into a pet store and sees three parrots, two of which are awake and alert and the third has his head tucked under his wing, asleep. Interested, the man questions an employee. "What can you tell me about these parrots? How much do they cost?"

"The first one is called Peter, and he ...

Six dwarves in a bath were feeling happy. So happy got out.

Once happy got out then they all felt grumpy.

By the time grumpy escaped they were feeling sleepy. Sleepy didn't seem to notice.

I’ve been looking for a car wash that does a thorough job cleaning wheels,

But whenever I google “Best Rimjob” I get sleepy and take a nap.

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

The Norse gods are sleeping off an orgy...

The God of Thunder turns to the young woman next to him and says, “I am Thor!”

The gal looks up through sleepy eyes and replies, “You think you’re Thor! I’m tho Thor I can barely pith!

(Kinda an aural joke. If you could say it out loud it might work better.)

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In the 1930s, on an RAF post way out in rural Africa, the station commander had a pet lion.

Lennie (as he was called) was elderly, arthritic, mostly blind, and had hardly a tooth left in his head, and everyone on the station knew him well.

One day, one of the Flight Lieutenants was going out for a spin and as he taxied his Gamecock onto the airstrip, he saw with annoyance that Lenni...

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At a young age I realised I was allergic to communion wine

It would always make me sleepy and I’d wake up with a sore arse

The Whistler.

One day in a well known university, a senior professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name ............. As usual and as expected no one answered.

The...

A new comprehensive study found that only ~14.3% of dwarves are Happy

The study went on to show that the rest of them are Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc.

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How the Seven Dwarfs got their names..

Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fcuk,
So off she went into the woods
To try and get some luck.

She’d almost given up looking
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage
And went on in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in second...

My grandfather told me this one.

A public worker goes to the doctor.


W- I’ve been feeling really tired lately and I always feel sleepy.

D- Well when did it begin?

W- It begun when they changed my work time...

D- How many hours do you work per week?

W- 35h

D- And how many hours did you w...

A hostel in USSR

A banker went to Moscow, and he stayed in a hostel on Moscow's outskirts. Only available room has three other people in it - a group of friends. He had a very important meeting the next day, but his roommates were loud; drinking, playing cards and telling jokes about communism, Lenin, Stalin and USS...

A woman gets called into her office HR department

They tell her that they noticed her password for her login was very unusual and asked her how she chose "DocGrumpyHappySleepyBashfulSneezyDopeySacarmento"

She said - "well the instructions were to have a password with seven characters and have at least one capitol, so I thought I was just fo...

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Two lions walk into a bar.

They sit down and start drinking. Soon after, a woman comes into the bar. She’s drunk and obnoxious. As she staggers by the lions, she carelessly bumps into the first one and spills his drink. Annoyed, the lion frowns and orders another drink. The two lions continue drinking and the woman staggers b...

I always tell people to drink water.

i think water could solve alot of health problems. People always tell me I feel sick, i say drink some water, I feel sleepy, drink some water, my parents are getting divorced, drink some water

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A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul...

A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul for the fathers work. After driving a few hours and it being the middle of the night, the father finds himself a little sleepy at the wheel. He whistles out loud and out from the back a monkey jumps out and starts giving the father a blowjob....

A baby is born that is just a head...

He's around 14 now and one night, his mom is watching a show where a doctor makes the announcement that science can now attach a donor body to those afflicted with this rare disorder. The mom is so happy, she bursts into his room: "Son! Son! Wake up! I have a wonderful surprise for you!" The kid ope...

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Women's English vs. Men's English

**Women's English**

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not u...

The redditor of all the land sits on his throne

A line of people are waiting to tell him their problems.

The first one walks in.
“I was milking my cow and I realized how annoying and useless it seemed”
The king said “Go follow into the room on the right, and sit on the couch.”

A second person walks in.
“I was doing schoolwo...

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The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn... [NSFW]

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn. They break down the barn door, and find a young couple with a sleepy-looking Shetland pony. With one hand, the woman is holding a huge bong and blowing marijuana smoke in the pony's face. With her other hand, she is vigorously stroking...

My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM...

Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?

Because of the Nye Quill.

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A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home. He decides to try mass hypnosis.

He starts by telling everyone that it is a speacial day as he will be using a family heirloom, a pocket watch that is more than 200 years old. He asks the audience to focus on the watch as he swings it fro...

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I watched the classic Snow White with my wife the other night. We went to bed shortly after and I started fooling around a bit

[Aside: hi /r/Jokes I am working on this proto-joke. Can you suggest how to make it work better?]

Wait, stop, she said, I’m Sleepy.

Well high-ho, I thought; she’s doing a bit of role play. I thought I’d better get in character too. It wasn’t too much of a stretch for me to play some H...

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A man decides to go hunting

He says to his wife, “Honey, I’m going hunting tomorrow and I want you to pack me a lunch.” She says, “You know, every time you go hunting I’m stuck here at home with nothing to do. How about I go with you?” He says, “I don’t know, I’m up awfully early and I know how much you enjoy your sleep.” His ...

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Salvatore the.......

In a sleepy Italian village which was unremarkable apart from a Cathedral, a Bridge and a fountain there lives a man in his 90’s named Salvatore.

Salvatore has had many jobs in his long life but has never left his home town and still works to this day as a tour guide on a bus. This bus pick...

Nighttime joke

What does Mr. Sandman do to all the sleepy children at night?

He kidnaps them.

What do you call a Dark Souls fan who has stayed up too long and has been too tired to play properly for the past hour?

Sleepy Hollow.

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Early in the morning, the father knocks at his son's door and yells, "Wake up, son! Time to go to school."

Sleepy, the son mumbles to his dad, "Listen, Pops... I'm not going to school today for three basic reasons: first of all because I'm dead tired, second because I hate that school and third because I've had it with those punks!"
To which the father answers from outside the door, "Well, you're g...

A man calls his doctor late at night.

"Doc! My arm got broke in two places! What should I do?!" The sleepy M.D replies, "Don't go back to either of them."

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Holmes and Watson go out camping.

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr. Watson decide to make a trip to the countryside and go camping.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up Watson and asks him:

"John, look up at the sky. What do you see?"

Watson, still sleepy, slowly arranges his thoughts:
"The... ...

At first i was feeling a little grumpy,

Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful.

I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs

Bus 702

Bus 702 is a double-decked bus, one of those feeder services that simply goes out to far flung places to pick people up where there would not otherwise be traffic. Along its route, near where it loops around, are cemeteries of all faiths. Looking out of the window during the route does not exactly b...

Coin toss

Little Johnny : I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I tossed a coin to decide whether I should attend class or go back to bed.


His Friend : So, what did you finally do?


Little Johnny : I had to toss 10 times before I could finally go back to bed.

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