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Sleepy Jokes

Snow White was in the bathtub, feeling sleepy.

Then he got out, so she felt Dopey instead.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do...

Why shouldn't a doctor be sleepy when he's performing a circumcision?

He might hit the sack.

7 dwarves were in a room and they started feeling sleepy.

So he left.

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One evening, I was laying in the bed with my wife, she looked a little bit sleepy already.

Thinking, it could bring some spice to our intimate life and light up the evening, I said: "Let's play doctor".

She agreed.

Bitch. She wrote me for September saying, her schedule is unfortunately already full.

Did you hear the one about the sleepy junkie?

He’s an oxymoron

What kind of bees make you sleepy?

Cos-bees

What is a sleepy dragon's favorite steak?

Flamin' yawn.

What do you call a sleepy Irishman?

Mel O’Tonin.

Some Are Sleepy or Grumpy

A recent survey showed that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

A tourist found himself in a sleepy little country village.

He approached one of the locals and asked to take him to the oldest inhabitant.


The villager replied, ' Well sir, we ain't got one now. He died last week.'

Why was Benjamin spinning around and sleepy?

Because Benadryl

What did the sleepy yogi say when he hit snooze?

Namaste in bed a bit longer.

Microwave shows up sleepy at work...

Accidentally warms up food instead of the plate.

I was really sleepy driving across the border..

But luckily I had Jesus take the wheel.

Sleepy pilot

What did the tired pilot say to his crew?

I think I'm gonna crash

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

Yesterday I went to a job interview very sleepy and stoned

I was hired

What do you get from a sleepy skeleton?

Skeletonin :)

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The giant monster cannibal was eating a large amount of people, he asked why he started feeling sleepy after eating a group of women who were out drinking. He asked his other giant monster eater friend why he felt sleepy

He said, “because that’s a bar bitch you ate.”

What kind of food causes you to breathe fire when you're sleepy?

A filet mignon

What do you call a sleepy father getting pizza for his kid?

Papa Yawns

Did you guys hear about that sleepy motorcyle that fell over?

It tried to stay standing, but it was just two-tired.

Not sure why but I suddenly came over sleepy the other day

Turns out dwarves don't like that kind of thing.

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In the sleepy village of Erbum

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertsfordshire lives a lady by the name of Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub named "The Cock Inn". Her mail is addressed:




Linda Lykes

The Cock Inn

Erbum

Tillet, Hérts.

Cracks the mailman up wi...

What did the lawyer call the sleepy judge?

Yawner.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

Teacher to a sleepy kid in class: Who invented the Steam engine?

Student trying to act awake: What sir?

Teacher : Correct, James Watt invented the steam engine.


[not mine, I heard it a few years ago, just had this in my thought train]

How do you describe an owner of a couch store who's sleepy?

He's SofaKing tired

A man was sitting in his car while it was running in his garage. He started to feel sleepy...

He was exhausted.

Two friends meet up, one of them has bandages over his ears

-Hey, man, what happened?

-Well, I was still sleepy when I was ironing my clothes in the morning, I heard my phone ringing and put the iron against my ear!

-Oh man, that’s rough. Hold on, you burned your ear, but why is the other one also bandaged?

-I immediately called an ambul...

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A farmer tries to liven up his sleepy town

Thinking himself a funny guy, he decides to put a joke of the day on the fence post next to his vegetable stand by the side of the road. Not long after, a man with a shit-eating-grin on his face comes walking up the driveway towards the farmer's house. Knocking on the door, the passerby says to the...

An accordion player is getting sleepy at the wheel of his '93 Geo Metro hatchback, on his way home from playing at a bar mitzvah. His accordion lays on the passenger seat next to him...

... The accordion player decides to pull over at a small pub with a sign reading "$1 Beer Night." He takes some change out of his car's cup holder -- enough for a couple $1 beers.

Inside, he stacks his change on the bar (mostly nickels and pennies) and pretends not to notice the bartender's e...

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A man comes home late from the bar

He knows his wife don't like it when he drinks, so he sneaks his way to the bathroom so he can piss.
When he opens the bathroom door, the light automatically turns on. He finds it odd, since he didn't buy any automated lights or something like that.
He thinks that maybe his wife had installed...

You know that feeling you get in the middle of the afternoon when you're really sleepy and tired..

There's a nap for that

What do you call a sleepy relative of a paper towel?

A napkin.

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Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Lynne. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What a...

My grandfather told me this one.

A public worker goes to the doctor.


W- I’ve been feeling really tired lately and I always feel sleepy.

D- Well when did it begin?

W- It begun when they changed my work time...

D- How many hours do you work per week?

W- 35h

D- And how many hours did you w...

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Two blokes were talking at a bar after last orders

The first one says "I'm dreading going home, it's always the same old story. I open the front door as quietly as I can, tiptoe up the stairs, I even get undressed in the bathroom so I don't disturb her. I slowly open the bedroom door, not switching on the light I climb slowly into bed then she switc...

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A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul...

A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul for the fathers work. After driving a few hours and it being the middle of the night, the father finds himself a little sleepy at the wheel. He whistles out loud and out from the back a monkey jumps out and starts giving the father a blowjob....

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A joke my dad told me...

A young American man went to Scotland to see the sights, he travelled from village to village, admiring the architecture and stonework, all the rustic buildings and cozy homes.

So he decides in one of the villages to stop at a sleepy little pub. There's an old man sitting at the bar alone, no...

Snow White decides to take a cruise

Snow White decides to take a cruise, but she can't bring all of the dwarves with her. To make sure she has a good time, she only brings along happy and sleepy.

Unfortunately when they go to board the boat there's a problem.

There's no doc

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A man decides to go hunting

He says to his wife, “Honey, I’m going hunting tomorrow and I want you to pack me a lunch.” She says, “You know, every time you go hunting I’m stuck here at home with nothing to do. How about I go with you?” He says, “I don’t know, I’m up awfully early and I know how much you enjoy your sleep.” His ...

Snow White gets into a hot tub and starts feeling a little happy

Happy gets out and she starts feeling a little grumpy.

Grumpy gets out and Bill Cosby gets in and she starts feeling a little sleepy.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

Six dwarves in a bath were feeling happy. So happy got out.

Once happy got out then they all felt grumpy.

By the time grumpy escaped they were feeling sleepy. Sleepy didn't seem to notice.

Just one kiss, please

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her doorstep. As they were about to wish each other goodnight,the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, said to her,

“Honey, would you give me a kiss?”
...

Dentist : "open wide"

My wife with her reflex : "i am tired and sleepy"

I translated this joke from my language hope you people find it funny.

Bill went to the home of his wife's brother who was a farmer after 20 years.

Bill was hungry so he asked for the food.

The farmer yells "Hey Bill is hungry can you bring the food Rotten?".

Bill on hearing this says "Sorry I forgot I had fast today cannot eat the food.".
...

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

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A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM...

Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?

Because of the Nye Quill.

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followe...

I’ve been looking for a car wash that does a thorough job cleaning wheels,

But whenever I google “Best Rimjob” I get sleepy and take a nap.

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At a young age I realised I was allergic to communion wine

It would always make me sleepy and I’d wake up with a sore arse

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

A new comprehensive study found that only ~14.3% of dwarves are Happy

The study went on to show that the rest of them are Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc.

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Hey Lou, what's going on?

Trump: "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Who is this?"

Biden: "It's Joe! What's up Lou?"

Trump: "Joe!?" (Covers phone; turns to advisors) "Sleepy Joe called here, calling me Lou!"*everyone giggles in back ground*

Trump: "Shhhh! Wait wait, quiet! Yeah Joe! Sure, I'm Lou!"*Tru...

COVID 19

Joe Biden was trashing Trump in the presidential debates. To get out of this mess Trump proclaimed himself as the expert on COVID, got angry and accused that sleepy Joe doesnt even know what COVID - 19 stands for. Joe was seemingly puzzled that trump would ask such a simple and direct question.
<...

[NSFW] The seven dwarfs decided one day that they’re going to watch Snow White get undressed

So they go outside and stack themselves on top of each other to peer through her window:

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

...

“She’s taking off ...

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Detective Shakespeare and his new partner Jameson are on a case...

the Murder of a young man named Jonathan, Detective Shakespeare arrives first and asks the neighbors and the witnesses, he writes the name of 10 people as suspects, after further investigations, he narrows the number of suspects down to 2 young men, Maximilianus and Tobias, then Jameson, who oversle...

What do you call a Dark Souls fan who has stayed up too long and has been too tired to play properly for the past hour?

Sleepy Hollow.

Nighttime joke

What does Mr. Sandman do to all the sleepy children at night?

He kidnaps them.

Its time for class, Ms. Smith noticed a few empty seats, 3 students were late.

"Good morning everyone, we have a new student to greet today, his name is Timmy, although he appears to be late."

Just then, Jen walks into class "sorry im late Ms. Smith, I lost track of time while blowing bubbles."
"That's okay Jen, just dont make a habit out of it okay?" Ms. Smith repli...

Tired of his parent's incessant harangue a very lazy young man went for fishing to add some fishes in their menu.

While sitting for fishing he felt very sleepy and was yawning. An old timer saw his lackadaisical approach and poked him, "Son, why are you working so hard? Just go to home and take a nap. It won't be hard for you I guess." The young man replied, "No. I have to catch some fish. But it seems very har...

The Norse gods are sleeping off an orgy...

The God of Thunder turns to the young woman next to him and says, “I am Thor!”

The gal looks up through sleepy eyes and replies, “You think you’re Thor! I’m tho Thor I can barely pith!

(Kinda an aural joke. If you could say it out loud it might work better.)

A woman gets called into her office HR department

They tell her that they noticed her password for her login was very unusual and asked her how she chose "DocGrumpyHappySleepyBashfulSneezyDopeySacarmento"

She said - "well the instructions were to have a password with seven characters and have at least one capitol, so I thought I was just fo...

A farmer had a problem; His hogs were not mating. At the feed store he ran into the local veterinarian and

asked for advice. The vet said, “Farmer Heffelfinger here had that same issue and managed to resolve it himself by artificial insemination”.
The farmer, not knowing exactly what that term meant asked how he will know if it has worked.
“Well, they’l be real sleepy the next day”.
Back on t...

A man calls his doctor late at night.

"Doc! My arm got broke in two places! What should I do?!" The sleepy M.D replies, "Don't go back to either of them."

A man walks into a pet store...

A man walks into a pet store and sees three parrots, two of which are awake and alert and the third has his head tucked under his wing, asleep. Interested, the man questions an employee. "What can you tell me about these parrots? How much do they cost?"

"The first one is called Peter, and he ...

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There once was a man named Dave…

… who lived alone in a small apartment. He was lonely and bored, so he decided to adopt a dog from the local shelter. He went there and saw many dogs of different breeds and sizes, but none of them caught his eye. Then he noticed a large, shaggy dog in the corner of the cage. It had long fur that co...

Coin toss

Little Johnny : I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I tossed a coin to decide whether I should attend class or go back to bed.


His Friend : So, what did you finally do?


Little Johnny : I had to toss 10 times before I could finally go back to bed.

A hostel in USSR

A banker went to Moscow, and he stayed in a hostel on Moscow's outskirts. Only available room has three other people in it - a group of friends. He had a very important meeting the next day, but his roommates were loud; drinking, playing cards and telling jokes about communism, Lenin, Stalin and USS...

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A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home. He decides to try mass hypnosis.

He starts by telling everyone that it is a speacial day as he will be using a family heirloom, a pocket watch that is more than 200 years old. He asks the audience to focus on the watch as he swings it fro...

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A taxi driver is driving a passenger

With radio blaring local news. The passenger asked the driver to turn down the radio. After minutes of no response, the passenger got impatient and tapped the driver’s shoulder.

Suddenly the taxi swerved to the left, narrowly missing a car and skidding uncontrollably towards a newsstand, and ...

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Holmes and Watson go out camping.

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr. Watson decide to make a trip to the countryside and go camping.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up Watson and asks him:

"John, look up at the sky. What do you see?"

Watson, still sleepy, slowly arranges his thoughts:
"The... ...

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Early in the morning, the father knocks at his son's door and yells, "Wake up, son! Time to go to school."

Sleepy, the son mumbles to his dad, "Listen, Pops... I'm not going to school today for three basic reasons: first of all because I'm dead tired, second because I hate that school and third because I've had it with those punks!"
To which the father answers from outside the door, "Well, you're g...

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The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn... [NSFW]

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn. They break down the barn door, and find a young couple with a sleepy-looking Shetland pony. With one hand, the woman is holding a huge bong and blowing marijuana smoke in the pony's face. With her other hand, she is vigorously stroking...

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In the 1930s, on an RAF post way out in rural Africa, the station commander had a pet lion.

Lennie (as he was called) was elderly, arthritic, mostly blind, and had hardly a tooth left in his head, and everyone on the station knew him well.

One day, one of the Flight Lieutenants was going out for a spin and as he taxied his Gamecock onto the airstrip, he saw with annoyance that Lenni...

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Women's English vs. Men's English

**Women's English**

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not u...

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Two lions walk into a bar.

They sit down and start drinking. Soon after, a woman comes into the bar. She’s drunk and obnoxious. As she staggers by the lions, she carelessly bumps into the first one and spills his drink. Annoyed, the lion frowns and orders another drink. The two lions continue drinking and the woman staggers b...

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Two men are standing a heavens gate...

.. The queue is moving slow and they get talking to one another.

"So how did you wind up here?", the first man asks the second.

The second man sighs and says, "I froze to death."

"Did it hurt? “ asked the first.

" Not really. You get cold, then sleepy, then just drift o...

Bus 702

Bus 702 is a double-decked bus, one of those feeder services that simply goes out to far flung places to pick people up where there would not otherwise be traffic. Along its route, near where it loops around, are cemeteries of all faiths. Looking out of the window during the route does not exactly b...

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How the Seven Dwarfs got their names..

Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fcuk,
So off she went into the woods
To try and get some luck.

She’d almost given up looking
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage
And went on in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in second...

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

The Whistler.

One day in a well known university, a senior professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name ............. As usual and as expected no one answered.

The...

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