What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

Don't let him drive that cargo freighter,

don't let him steer that cargo freighter,

don't let him near that cargo freighter,

early in the morning.

What to do with a sick chemist?

If you can't Helium, and you cant Curium, then you may as well Barium.

What does the italian police do with a criminal pig?

prosecutto

What do you do with 365 used condoms?

Recycle them to make a tire and call it a Goodyear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?

She drops him off at band practice.

"Honey, let's just a couple of sheep so we don't have to mow the lawn." -- "Oh, but what would we do with the wool?" -- "Well, we could-"

shear it

wash it

dry it

pick it

card it

bag it

store it

sell it

process it

clean it

buy it

keep it

pack it

send it

mail

insulate it

mulch it

fertilise it

toss it

compo...

What should we do with flat earthers?

Just push them off the edge!

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares.

They said: “PLEASE HOLD.”

I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if itbhad something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work?

Kick them out of Congress

What do car hunters do with a dead limousine?

Taxi-dermy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a ram do with his free time?

Fuck ewe.

What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

What did the redditor do with his rough draft?

EDIT:

A man had just won big on lottery. Asked about what he'd do with the money, his immediate answer was to fix everything broken on his 2007 Chevrolet Malibu ...

"What about the rest of the money?" He was asked again.

"Well, I hope the bank can lend it to me."

My Tounge during a dentist appointment is a lot like my life: I have no clue what to do with it

Original Joke

What did the skunk do with all their love letter?

They scent them.

What do you do with a broken DVD?

You DISC-ard it.

A politician who did absolutely nothing good or bad in his life died... God and Satan are discussing what to do with him. God says "He's done nothing great in his life, so he cant possibly go to heaven."

Satan responds "Well, he did nothing to deserve eternal damnnation either."
So they let the man spend one day in each heaven and hell to decide where he wanted to spend eternity.
In heaven, the politician spends the entire time sitting in a comfortable chair, fighting to stay awake as angels f...

What do game companies do with their old successful games?

Post Mortem, most port em.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to an AA meeting, introduces herself, "I've been through three relationships now and I just can't handle it anymore. My pussy is killing me." Someone interrupts and says, "I'm sorry, what does this have to do with your problem with alcohol?"

"What problem with alcohol? I just can't seem to give up the hard lickers!"

A man wins a lottery worth 1 Million dollars.On the same day, his wife asks him what would you do with the money if I left you today?

He replied, "That's not possible, you cannot win 2 lotteries on the same day!"

What do you do with a chemistry teacher when they die?

You barium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

But what do I do with the letters?

My psychotherapist once told me that I should write letters to the people that did me harm and then burn them. But what do I do with the letters?

What do you do with a flaccid kayak?

You give it Niagra.

(originally a comment from u/din7)

What do you do with a dead Chemist?

You Barium.

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do with a Nazi girl?

You hitler

What does a Boston Majorette do with their baton?

Toilet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a woman do with her asshole when she's having an orgasm?

She leaves him home with the kids.

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

What do the Dutch do with their cheese?

Edam

Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.

“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe

What does Canada do with all their hardened and dangerous criminals?

They give them hockey jerseys and call them our National Hockey Team

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is deciding between three women, which to be with. He tests them by giving them each $5000 to see what they each do with the money.

The first woman got a complete spa treatment and makeover to make herself look good for the man. The second woman took her $5000 and bought the man gifts, gadgets and trinkets he’d like to make him happy. The third woman invested the money, made a hefty return on it, and paid back the man his $5000....

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the boss what to do with the roll of bubble wrap we had delivered. "Just pop it in the corner," he said.

4 fucking hours that took me!

I called my local recycling centre about what to do with old batteries.

They said they'd take them free of charge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do with a compressed folder of porn?

Unzip...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do with an English prostitute

You give her a pound, then you give her a pound

What do you do with your partner after contracting the coronavirus?

Netflix and ill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do with a rattle snake in one pocket and a condom with a hole in it in the other one.

Don't fuck with either one of them.

What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?

She grated it.

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

What are we to do with all the canceled sporting events?

They're going to televise the world origami championships live... On "paper view"!!!

What do you do with an overly obedient pancreas?

Give it a shot of insolence.

What do you do with crude oil?

Teach it manners!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I was trying to figure out what to do with the dying clown on the floor.

Then, IT hit me.

What do you do with your sheets after a wet dream?

Another load.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Noah do with all the shit from the ark?

He threw it overboard. A few thousand years later Christopher Columbus discovered it.

What to do with an unwanted elephant?

It's irrelephant.

What do you do with a sick chemist?

First you try helium,then try curium,but if that doesn't work.You barium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.
...

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful busty blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...

I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...

I was in the garden when my 5 year old granddaughter came up to me holding a water pail. She smiled real big and said, “This is for you Grandpa!” I said, “Thanks but what do you want me to do with it sweetie?”

She replied, “Dad said if you kick the bucket we’ll be rich!!”

What did the poker player do with the last piece of toilet paper?

Fold

What did the hungry redditor do with the gold he got from his post?

He EDIT.

Help! What to do with a piece of empty Real Estate?

It was my Christmas gift for Mariah Carey, but when I gave it to her she told me,
"I don't want a lot for Christmas"

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

A driver flagged me down the other day and said, "I've broken down and could do with a lift"

I told them that their hair looked nice and drove off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."

"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."

The joke is in the reactions

What do sailor do with fat girls?

Give them a wide berth

What did you just do with my post?

You reddit.

What would you do with a wombat?

Play Wom.

Duh.

What does a flat-earther do with a ball?

He plays Frisbee!

What do you do with a drummer that can't keep a beat?

Take away one stick and make him a conductor.

What do you do if he still can't keep a beat?

Take away his last stick and make him a choir director.

What do you do with a dismembered friend?

Remember them

What DO you do with a drunken sailor?

Make a Disney Trilogy featuring an evil Scottish octopus and rake in the money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was late for work this morning, my boss asked me why to which I replied "I had a mechanical failure with my donkey." Perplexed my boss asked me what that had to do with getting to work.

To which i replied "I couldn't get my ass in gear"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn’t know what to do with him....

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.

The head nurse replied, ”We don’t know what to do with this baby.”

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, “You should put him into a mental institution.”

”Why?’ asked the head nurse.

“Well..." replied the ...

What do you do with a country that has a lot of fiction?

Call it Greece.

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

What does a dyslexic atheist with insomnia do with their time?

They stay up late at night wondering if there is a Dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw) What did Donald Duck do with his butt plug?

Rammed it in his butt quack

what do you do with epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad!

What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?

Throw your laundry in with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the Jew do with his tea?

Hebrews it.

A car is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the driver and says, "Congratulations, you're the 100th driver to remember putting on your seatbelt today, and so you have won $2000! So sir, what do you think you'll do with those money?"

The driver says, "I'd probably buy a driver's license."

His wife sitting next to him says "Don't listen to him Officer, he's been drinking."

A man exclaims from the backseat, "I've told you both this, we never get anywhere in stolen cars!"

A voice can be heard from the trunk sho...

This girl asked me If I won a million what will I do with it? I told her: I'm gonna give it to you. She seemed happy and hugged me

the poor thing thought I'm talking about the million.

What did Trump do with the broken cheese grater?

He made it grate again

What do I do with this large file I want to send to you?

Zip it!

No, really... Zip it!

What do lawyers do with a injured leg

They put it in attorney-quet.

The internet is full of mean, hurtful, unfriendly, people who have nothing better to do with their lives than make others feel bad!

It's so great to have a place I finally fit in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a woman do with her as#hole before she has sex?

She drops him off at the golf course.

I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set

Pretend that I have one

What do you do with a philosophy major?

Think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

A man arrives at the front door of a brothel, a woman answers and notices the man has no arms or legs. The woman says "what are we supposed to do with you?"

The man replies "I rang the doorbell didn't I?!"

What does a mansplainer do with a harpoon?

Whale, actually

Husband asks wife 'What would you like to do with my body?

Wife 'Identify it'

What does a ska band do with their gear after a gig?

Pack it up pack it up pack it

What do you do with a 6ft Ahole?

I man was late for work and speeding to his job. He came over the hill of a bridge and found himself in a speed trap. The cop pulls him over and walks up to his car.
Cop: sir why were you speeding?
Man: I'm late for work
Cop: what do you do that's so important you think you can speed?
Ma...

what do pirates do with old boats?

they have a yard sail

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.