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Homesick Jokes

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’,...

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A man walks into a brothel

He says to the madam, “Hi I’m a traveling businessman, I’ve been on the road for weeks. I’ll pay $100 for the worst blowjob in the house.”

She says, “The worst?… for $100 you can get the best blowjob in the house!”

He says, “No it’s all right, I’m not horny, I’m homesick.”

"I am homesick"

"But this is your home"
"Yeah and I am sick of it"

Why do Chinese-Americans never get homesick?

Because everything in America is homemade for them!

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Businessman

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kind...

My Scottish girlfriend was feeling homesick so I decided to try and make a homemade haggis to cheer her up.

I thought I had a fairly strong constitution but as soon as I starting mixing the heart, lungs and kidneys I realised I didn't have the stomach for it.

A man on a business trip went out for breakfast

When the waitress came to his booth, she asked "What can we get you?"

The man paused and said "I'll tell you what- I'd like the special, but I want my toast burned to a crisp, my bacon rubbery, my coffee weak and when you bring me the food I want you to yell at me."

Puzzled, the wait...

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A man walks into a brothel...

Which is well known for its good looking ladies and good food.
He walks up to the desk and slams £1000 on the counter "I'd like the toughest most over cooked steak you do and the ugliest girl you have for one hour. But she needs to tell me she has a headache and to do it myself" The madame looks ...

My roommate from California was homesick

So I stole his water bottle to make him feel more at home.

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Man walks into a brothel...

...slaps down $500 on the counter, and tells the Madam that he wants the ugliest, nastiest, most toothless old broad she has, plus a rotten egg sandwich.

The Madam looks back at him, confused, and says "Sir, for this much money, you could have one of our most beautiful women and a steak dinne...

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A businessman had been away from home for a looooong time.

So, he goes to a brothel and tells the head madam: Listen, I'll give you $200 if you find me a decent girl who can give me an average fuck. The madam told him that for that amount of money she would get him a hot girl who would give him a helluva fuck to which the businessman says: but you don't und...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishma...

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A guy walk into a ...

\-->walks into a brothel and takes out 500 Dollars.

"Give me the ugliest, oldest woman you have available!" he demands.

"But Sir, for 500 Dollars you can have our youngest and most beautiful girl" says the madam.

"Yeah, but I don't came here because I'm horny" says the guy, ...

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A married truck driver goes into a brothel

He says to the madam "I'll give you $500 for your ugliest girl and baked beans on burnt toast."

The madam replies "For $500 I'll give you my best looking girl and a 3 course meal."

The truck driver replies "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

Billy’s parents were about to leave for a business trip

They told Billy he would be staying at his grandma’s house for the week and they dropped him off on their way to the airport. Once his parents’ car had left the driveway, Billy started sobbing intensely.
His grandma asked “Billy, what’s wrong? Are you homesick?”
Billy replied “No. I’m heresic...

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A truck driver, who's been on the road for two months, walks into a brothel

He slams a thousand dollar note on the receptionist's table and says "Give a cheese sandwich and one of your ugliest women"

The receptionist, quite taken aback, says "Why sir, for that money I could give you a seven course meal and two of our best women"

The truck driver says "Look lad...

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A Soviet Jew finally got an exit visa to Israel.

He packs his stuff and one of the things he takes with him is a giant painting of the General Secretary.

At the border, the Soviet customs officer asks him: "Why would you take such a painting with you to Israel"?

The Jew answers: "If I get homesick in Israel, I just take at the pain...

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A trucker walks into a hotel...

... and says to the receptionist... “ I’ve been on the road for a couple of days. Give me your dirtiest, messiest room, some overcooked spaghetti with burnt sauce and the ugliest hooker in town!”

The receptionist said: “ Well, we have a reputation to uphold at our establishment! We’ll give yo...

Three men discover they have each been the victim of a shipwreck at some point in their past.

Three men are talking about their brushes with disaster, and by a stunning coincidence they find that all three of them have, at some point in their lives, been shipwrecked and stranded with the other survivors on a deserted island. They begin to detail their experiences.

"The hardest part wa...

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An Irishman walks into a bar...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

An Irish p...

Polynesian

Hey, ever heard of the homesick, nymphomaniac Polynesian girl? Yeah, she kept longing for Samoa....

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The Lonely Rig Worker

An oil rig mechanic returns to his cabin after his shift and discovers his cabinmate sitting on the edge of his bunk, his feet in a basin, hastily scraping a razor over his soaped-up legs.

"Um, hey, what are you up to?" asks the mechanic.

"I was talking to old Joe in the canteen today,...

Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.

Drinks them, and leaves.

Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.

The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since...

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An Indian just moved to the U.S

Within a few days of reaching the U.S, he got extremely sick, vomiting everywhere. He went to many American doctors, and none of them could figure out what was wrong with him. He decided to go to the Indian doctor beside his house. The Indian doctor told him:

"Go shit in a bucket, piss on th...

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A married man on a business trip walks into a brothel.

He walks up to the cashier, puts 500 dollars on the counter and says "I want your worst looking girl and a cold ham and cheese." Shocked, the woman behind the counter says "but sir, for this much you could have one of our best girls and our most expensive dish!" The man nods his head, "I know", he s...

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A Russian billionaire moved to London…

A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket,...

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A refugee visits a doctor

So after fleeing from his home country a young midlle eastern refugee ends up in a nice wealthy north european country. Everything seems to look good for him, till he starts to feel sick. He has no idea what could be the problem so he goes to visit a doctor.

After he told the doctor his symp...

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Whilst working abroad, a man visits a brothel.

Whilst working abroad, a man visits a brothel. The Madame welcomes him inside and says, 'Well, Sir, what kind of girl turns you on most?' He says, 'I want a woman who weighs over 300 pounds: she must be as sweaty as a Sumo wrestler's armpits and as hairy as a gorilla: I want her to have thighs lik...

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Hadji becomes ill...

Hadji is new to America, and after a few months, he becomes very ill. He visits several doctors, but none are able to help him.

Finally, he finds a doctor from his homeland. The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go home. Piss in de bucket. Den turn around and shit in de bucket. After dat, l...

Milking a cow

A city dweller recently got married to a beautiful farm girl. One day, the wife gets homesick and pleads with him to head down to the farm for the holidays.

The husband is not very receptive to this idea since he's clueless about farm work and his father-in-law often embarasses him in front o...

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