I said "Wait, friend. Don't jump. Don't you have faith in the Lord?"
The man paused and said "Yes. I do have faith in the Lord."
I said "I'm a Christian." He said "Me too."
I said "I'm a protestant." He said "Me too."
I said "I'm a Lutheran." He said "Me too."
The Joy of Sects
A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.
GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"
Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.
He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"
The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".
St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."
He then asks the second man, "When you wer...
How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?
The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.