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Laxatives Jokes

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Yesterday I took laxatives and laughing gas at the same time

For shits and giggles.

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I made pot brownies with laxatives…

You know, for shits and giggles.

What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

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I put laxatives in my bosses coffee

He's going to shit himself when he finds out.

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"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee.

"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day waiting for the arrival and nothin...

I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch

I'm about to have a vowel movement

I think I’m allergic to laxatives

Every time I try them I get diarrhea

What do you get when you mix Vodka with laxatives?

A Russian tanker in Ukraine.

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I'm thinking of starting a business with focus on laxatives.

It just gets shit done.

A chemist walks into the store he owns...

and he sees a man, leaning up against a wall near the counter.


"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant.


"He needed a bottle of cough syrup," explains the assistant, "but I couldn't find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead."


"WHAT?" bellows ...

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

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A constipated man goes to the pharmacy for laxatives

Man: Box of laxatives please

Chemist: Sorry I'm out of stock

Man: What, again? But I'm desperate

Chemist: Well that's tough shit I'm afraid

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Then there was the guy who moxed his viagra with his laxatives

He couldn't tell if he was coming or going!

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I've been experimenting with THC and Laxatives

For shits n' giggles

You know what they say about German laxatives

They bring out the wurst in you

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I bought some laxatives the other day.

The other day I went down to the store to buy some laxatives. When I brought them to the counter the cashier said "having some problems?" To which I replied "yeah, no shit".

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Why did the redditor mix a bottle of laxatives with nitrous oxide?

The same reason he did everything else: for shits and giggles.

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Men who take both Viagra and laxatives

don't know whether they'll be coming or going.

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[NSFW] I had sex after taking laxatives the other day...

Fuck that shit, definitely never doing it again

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Serve alcohol at a party, nobody bats an eye

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit

Why do laxatives have a best before date?



If they go off, what's the worst that can happen?.

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I herd that a bunch of cows were fed laxatives by mistake.

Turns out it was a big load of bullshit.

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Why did I down a whole bottle of laxatives at a comedy show last night?

For shits and giggles

Why do politicians take laxatives?

So they can speak more fluently

Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives?

To help him pass the time.

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What happens if you mix up viagra and laxatives?

It makes you crap in bed.

I just learned the hard way not to trust a fart while on laxatives...

...well, actually it was the soft way.

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FDA No longer allows patients to be prescribed laxatives and medicinal marijuana

Apparently you need to either shit, or get off the pot.

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What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

Expellianus.

Did you hear about the man who accidentally took laxatives instead of his antidepressants?

He felt empty inside

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A thief stole a bottle of laxatives, mistaking them for perscription painkillers.

After he found out, he nearly shit himself.

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I only lost 1.6 lbs while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.

I guess I'm not as full of shit as I thought.

Don’t ever take sleeping pills and laxatives at the same time...

Because if you do, you’ll sleep like a baby...

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What’s the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a hooker who’s addicted to laxatives?

One shucks between fits and one fucks between shits.

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall...

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." 

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" 
...

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Why shouldn't you give a meth addict laxatives?

because it's already hard enough for them to keep their shit together.

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We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.

I said, “This shit needs to stop.”

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A not so shitty story

A man walks into the doctor's office stating "Doc, I haven't had a shit in weeks". The doctor, does a normal check up, and upon finding the man to be okay, prescribes him some laxatives.

Two weeks later, the same guy walks into the office saying "Doc, I still can't shit". The doctor does anot...

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

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I informed the party attendants that someone put laxatives in all the food and drink.

Everyone lost their shit.

A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break

He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
“What’s wrong with this man?” The pharmacist asks his assistant.
“He has a terrible cough!” The assistant replied. “And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.”

The customer gives a soft gr...

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People ask me all the time why I like putting laxatives in my pot brownies...

... I don't really know. I guess I'm just in it for the shits and gigs.

Bill was a clerk in a small drugstore,

...........but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Dave, the owner, had had about enough and warned Bill that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, Bill coul...

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An Indian walks into a pharmacy.

He goes up to the pharmacist and says "Big Chief, no poop!".
The pharmacist gives him a laxative and tells him "Take this to your chief, this should take care of his problem".
The next day the same Indian walks into the pharmacy with an angry look on his face, and says "Big Chief, no poop!!". ...

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What’s the shitiest drug to overdose on?

Laxatives

A chemist comes back from his lunch break.

He finds his assistant busy behind the counter, and a man twitching while leaning against the wall. "What's going on?" he asks. The assistant tells him that the man came in for some cough syrup. "Well, did you give it to him?" asks the chemist. "No, we didn't have any," replies the assistant.
...

A pharmacist arrived to his drugstore when he see a man on the ground moaning lightly.

So the pharmacist goes in his store and ask his assistant if she took care of the guy outside. She explains him that he had a bad cough but there was no more cough mixture.
Pharmacist: What did you tell him?
Assistant: I gave him a bottle of laxative and tell him it was cough mixture and he dr...

I asked my doctor what was the best cough suppressant medicine I could buy over the counter.

Laxatives.
I have since completely stopped coughing.

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Sherlock Holmes is looking for evidence at a crime scene with another officer.

Sherlock: I heard the suspect fed the victim an excessive amount of laxatives. Tell me if you find any feces in the area.

*30 minutes later, the office comes back empty handed *

Sherlock: So you didn’t find any?

Officer: No shit, Sherlock.

The Ultimate Cure

A pharmacist comes back from his lunch to the pharmacy.

As he approaches, he sees a man outside the pharmacy clutching onto a pole for dear life, barely breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What...

My pharmacy is having a liquidation sale.

Laxatives are 50% off.

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Getting old sucks

A 60 year old, a 70 year old man and an 80 year old man are arguing about age, the 60 year old goes "man being 60 sucks, I chug water all day long, but I can't take a decent piss when I stand at the toilet no matter how hard I try." The 70 year man says "that's nothing, I eat Laxatives by the hand...

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