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Confides Jokes

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Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

A brunette confides to her blonde friend ...

"Please don't tell anyone, but I'm deathly afraid of bees."
The blonde says, "Don't worry, I won't say a word. To be honest, the entire alphabet scares the hell out of me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A housewife was unsatisfied with her sex life and confides this to her mother who gifted her a magical item.

Wife: "A dildo?"

Mother: "A magical dildo."

Wife: "What's so magical about it."

Mother: "Just say *Magic dildo* and name the body part you want pleasured."

Skeptical but curious, the wife takes the gift and goes to her room where she laid in bed and uttered the magical wo...

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NSFW A young bride-to-be confides in her mother on her wedding night that she isn’t a virgin and is worried her husband will not love her once he finds out.

“Oh honey, just do what I did with your father. Put a rubber band around your thigh and when he enters you the first time just snap the rubber band. He won’t know any different.”

Come the wedding night and heeding her moms advice the bride snaps the band as the deed is done. Her husband yel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got back from seeing my therapist. He says I'm suffering from paranoia," he confides to the bartender. "Hey, man, that's nothing to be ashamed of. You're not alone," the bartender consoles him. "They're always watching."

One in a million

A gal walks into a bar and orders a martini. "My boyfriend told me that I was 'One in a Million' over the weekend," she confides to the bartender. "Well, that was sweet of him," the bartender replies. "Yes, and after looking through the text messages on his phone while he was asleep I can see that h...

Boring women

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've never liked boring women," he confides to the bartender. "Which is why I keep my mouth shut."

Time to see a doctor

A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. "I've got to try to get in to see a doctor soon," he confides to the bartender. "It really hurts when I pee." "Does it burn?" the bartender asks. "I don't know," the guy replies. "I never tried to set it on fire."

Ending a relationship....

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just ended a five-year relationship," he confides to the bartender. "Hey, I'm sorry to hear that. Have this drink on the house," the bartender says. "Oh, no reason to be upset," the guy replies. "It wasn't my relationship."

A man starts to fear he's not unique

He confides to his friend and says "Everywhere I look, I see people who look and dress like me. All my favorite TV shows are the most popular ones, and the music I listen to is listened to by millions. I have a very normal job and no particularly interesting hobbies. Even my name is one of the most ...

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