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A sailor is recruited onto a Pirate ship...

After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain. The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch, is an intimidating-looking man indeed.
<...

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

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Las Vegas

A man comes home from work, and finds his wife packing a suitcase.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"Vegas" she says.

"Why are you going to Vegas?"

She stares coldly at him, and says, "Because I read that a woman can make $500 there every time she has sex."

The guy ...

The diner had been waiting a long time for his meal and was on the point of walking out when the waiter appeared.

"I must apologize for the delay, sir," said the waiter, "but your fish will be coming in a minute."

The diner replied coldly: "What bait are you using?"

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Presence of mind helps

In a store in US, a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs
were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said
"An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg o...

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A woman and her husband go to a cow farm

They learn about how beef is made, milk cheese and ice cream are produced, and how organic cows taste way better than factory farmed ones.

When their tour guide lets them looks at the calves, the women asks:

"How many calves can a bull have?"

The tour guide says "See that bull o...

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Car on Fire!!!

Driving home late one night, a man spotted a car on fire. He rushed over to help and saw that a beautiful woman was trapped inside, bleeding to death. He dragged her to safety from the flames, wrapped her in a blanket and drove her to the nearest hospital. Over the next six months, he regularly dona...

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A widower heads down to the bar

And grabs a seat on a lonely stool. He orders a drink and takes out the newspaper.

A woman saddles up next to him and starts flirting. "Well hello there sir" she says with a smile.

He nods toward her and returns to his paper. "So do you come here often?" She presses on.

"Have...

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The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king

who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, ...don't reject the guy outright.
So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry he...

Happy Retirement

My friends that still work ask me frequently what I do every day, now that I'm retired. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and entered a shop; I wasn't there for even five minutes.

When I exited, a cop was filling out a ticket for double-parking. I quickly approached him and sai...

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A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon.

Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! W...

The Clintons were driving around Bill's home town

A couple of years after Bill Clinton had left office he and Hillary were driving around his hometown in Arkansas. There at a gas station they saw a man who worked there pumping gas who was about the same age as Bill. Playfully Bill asked Hillary what her life would have been like if she married that...

Six weeks ago, my brother was deployed by Afghanistan...

And today he called home.

He asked me how things were back here, and so I took a deep breath and told him the truth.

"Your cat died."

My brother was aghast, especially at how coldly I said it.

"Joe, that's not how you break bad news." Miles away, I could hear the frustr...

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