Cheated Jokes

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

she’s some Juan else’s problem now.

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye... read more

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

“So no head?”

We’re in the kitchen and she tries to hit me with a Spatula. I react pretty quickly but all I have is a dish to block it with; but it’s simply no match.

All hell breaks loose when she tried to go for the midsection with Knives. I got lucky and was defended with my well-placed Buckle. It’s ge... read more

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, “with who?“

But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.

Instead ask, “with whom? “ It is important to speak good English.

St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up.

Peter says, "You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"

So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates.

Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, "Oh no, ... read more

Guess you could say she liked Raw'men

An old married couple was sitting on a bench in a park. They have seen plenty of struggles and success in their long life together, and now were enjoying retirement.

"I have been faithful to you all these years, darling", the man continued, "I have sometimes wondered about your loyalty, but I... read more

Now it has crust issues.

She was way better at Calc 1b than me.

Willing to sell her husband's fishing gear

A man asks his wife, how many times have you cheated on me?

His wife answered: 3 times.

husband: What? When was the the first time?

\_Do you remember when you were a football player, but nobody hired you, but then someone did?

husband: When was the the second time?
... read more

This is translated from Arabic, I don’t know if it’s going to be funny as in Arabic but I’ll try my best *fingers crossed*

A football player once asked his wife if she ever cheated on him, she answered with “yes, three times.” He then asked “Ok, tell me about the first time.” She said, “Do y... read more

The angel at the gate asks the first man
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "10 times" the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to a 2010 Toyota Camry "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times, the angel gives him a 2018 Lexus... read more

He was a great guy

So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops

For a while I was at my break point until I realized it wasn’t my fault. Love means nothing to them.

Different shade of lipstick on his knuckles.

It ryes inside

I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.

Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.

I heard this one a long time ago.

A man tired of his cheating wife and wants to have her killed. He asked some of his friends and his and as soon referred to a local hitman named Artie.

The man meets Artie in a local bar and tells him that his wife is cheating on him and he wants her w... read more

One Sunday near the end of mass he tells his congregation that he doesn’t like hearing people are cheating. He tells the church from now on refer to cheating as “slipping” in confession.

This goes on all spring and summer and when winter comes around the priest decided to retire. He forgot to... read more

I'm not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

Too bad I'm a heavy sleeper, I couldn't feel them all night.

Wife: well if we are coming clean I cheated on you too

Husband: haha April First!

Wife: it was May 17

E: grammar

I gazed into the soul of the guy next to me.

I had an entanglement with Google.

So I went out that night and picked up a girl at the bar. I want to make all my girlfriend's dreams to come true

Lets hope my other two are loyal.

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ... read more

I hope she gives me another shot.

Now, that I have your attention, I would like to reach you about your pending car insurance loan........

You know what, don't worry about it. She's out of the picture now anyway.