UPJOKE
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I just found an enormous ravine so full of precious metals, I immediately came in my pants.

It was a *huge* ore chasm.

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

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A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

Late in night, a coach filled with politicians falls into a ravine...

...the only witnesses are to shepherds

next day the news crew comes to the tragedy place and starts questioning the shepherds about the fresh dug graves

"So there weren't any survivors right" asked the reporter

"Well, they kept saying <<I'm alive>> but who believes t...

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.

He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!


Joe immediate...

A man in the desert rents out a camel to ride on.

The rental guy asks, “Have you ever ridden one of these?”

The man replies, “No.”

“It’s simple. If you say Woah, it will walk. If you say Woah Woah, it will run. If you say Woah Woah Woah, it will run so fast you have to pray to god to stop.”

The man hops on the camel and says “W...

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A moth walks into a podiatriats office

The podiatrist says, "What seems to be the problem today?"

Moth says, "What seems to be the problem? Where do I begin?!

"I slave away all day at a job I hate and barely bring home enough to pay the bills. I'm going to have to get a second job just to keep the lights on. I don't even kn...

The last thing my grandpa said before kicking the bucket...

Hey Ed, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? He tripped and fell into a ravine. RIP pops.

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An Australian, Frenchman and a British man are in a desert...

The three had been walking for a couple of days in blazing heat, they stumbled onto a ravine and begin to bathe in it.

The three men look up in horror to see see a group of tribals with spears pointing at them, the men are brought to the chief of the tribe.

The chief says "you trespass...

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A Brit, an Irishman, and an American are walking in the woods together and get lost.

They stumble upon a bridge over a deep ravine guarded by a menacing ogre.

"Halt! Stand where you are!" yells the ogre. "Only those who can answer my riddle can pass this bridge! If you get the answer wrong, you die!"

The three men are short on supplies and don't have a lot of options, ...

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

A man is hanging from a branch

A man is hanging by a branch above a ravine and looks down then back up and says “if there is anyone up there tell me what to do, give me faith” then a voice responds “ if you have faith then let go” so the man looks down then back up and says “ is there anyone else up there”

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.

Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-...

Jerry Clower joke (Uncle Vercy`s Trial)

Since I couldn't find this joke in text form anywhere I took the time to type it out myself lol (No Spell Check)

Flew from Los Angeles California to Des Moines did a show there in the civic center. Then to Minneapolis Minnesota, Its 28 Degrees below 0 I slept between the mattresses. Then I l...

A very beautiful women was depressed and wanted to kill herself

She goes to the overpass of a local highway to jump down 100 feet into a ravine. Before she could climb up the barrier, a disgusting and repulsive homeless man comes up and asks, "Hey what are you doing?!" The beautiful woman replied, "I am going to kill myself. This life isn't worth living anymore....

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Hitler is driving on the autobahn.

He just got a brand new Mercedes and wanted to see how fast it would go. Hitler is speeding along when he loses control and flips down into a ravine. His Mercedes bursts into flames and just as he is about to succumb to the smoke a man pulls him from the wreckage. Hitler looks up to see a Rabbi a...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

An Australian sergeant seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

An Australian sergeant got seconded to a US army base, for cultural integration.

When he arrived, most of the men were away sweeping a neighbouring region.

But a Security Patrol still guarding the base was out close by when it came under unexpected and intense attack.

All rem...

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An atheist dies and he sees a tunnel with a light at the end.

When he approaches the light, it transforms into a door labeled 'Hell'


The atheist opens the door and is at a beautiful beach. There are people that bathe in the sun, there's a cocktail bar and the sea is endless, blue and clear.

Among all this is a person with goat legs and horns...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

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The version I know of a classic

These two guys are hiking through the woods and come across a ravine. Wanting to cross, they look around for materials and see a pile of old ropes. They decide the best way to cross would be to build a rope bridge.
One guy turns to the other and says, "Start tying the ropes together, I'm going ...

A couple mountainsclimbers where walking on a glacier.

One says too the other:"look my tour guide fell in that ravine last time I was up here". The other mountainclimber looks perplexed. "Why do you mention that so casually"? The first mountainclimber shrugs and says:"well it was already missing a couple pages".

Two Chinese men climbed a mountain

While climbing one of them dropped their little radio into a ravine. The other man shouted "oh da ladio"...

And that's how yodelling was invented.

Two hunters......

Two hunters walking thru the woods,one slips,and rolls down a steep ravine. The other calls down to him ,but he gets no response. He picks up his phone,calls 911.
Operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Panicked Hunter: my buddy and I were walking he tripped fell down a ravine, and he is dead....

A guy’s driving down the highway one day...

...when he sees a hitchhiker ahead. There’s hardly any traffic on the highway, and he figures that the poor guy will never get a ride, so he decides to help him out. After about 5 miles, the hitchhiker pulls a gun, and tells the driver that he won’t get hurt as long as he follows orders and doesn’t ...

Two guys are out hunting

Two guys are out hunting and one of them falls down a ravine. The other one run down to him, can't find a pulse, and calls calls 911 and says "Help me my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" The operator says "That's okay just calm down I'm going to help. Now let's start by making sure he's act...

Two blond cowboys...

Two blond cowboys (duke and matt) walk into a saloon. While they are at the bar, a man walks in and put an Indian head on the bar. The bartender hands the man $100. The two blond cowboys ask why. The bartender says.

"Indians killed my family. I'll pay a $100 for every Indian head brought to m...

The goat and the Trigs

There once was a group of wanderers called the Trigs. One day, they came across a bridge crossing a large ravine. In the middle of the bridge was a goat. The leader of the Trigs, Hypot, decided he would go first to see what would happen. When he got half way, the goat walked up to him and kicked him...

Two olives are walking on a cliff

There's a big olive and a little one. The little olive falls off the edge. The big olive looks down in the ravine and shouts, "are you alright?" He hears the little olive faintly say, "olive."

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