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Business Owner Jokes

My wife doesn’t like it when I support female business owners.

…And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...

A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"



She thinks a moment and answers "Everythin...

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A small business owner is filling out some forms for the government.

One of the questions asks: please list the employees you have, broken down by sex.

The man replied: None. Although a few do sometimes come in late.

A local business owner was looking for office help.

The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”

A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside.
After going inside, the dog looke...

A hotel business owner tried to buy a building from another company.

But they wouldn't give inn.

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A small business owner in financial trouble was told by his accountant that he needed to cut staff

The accountant said, "Jack and Susan have the highest salaries, so one of them will have to be laid off."

The owner replied, "Susan is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I'll have to think this over, and maybe discuss it with both of them."


The next morning, the o...

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What do you call a business owner that has a small dick?

Short-staffed.

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A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing.

The owner walks up to the young man and says: "Son, how much do you make every day?"

The guy replies nonchantly, "150 dollars."

The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him 150 dollars, and tells him to get out and never come back.

A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks th...

How running a business in these days feels

The taxation office suspected a business owner wasn't paying proper wages to his employee and sent an auditor to investigate him.

Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

Business Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $5,0...

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A business owner is looking to have a painting commissioned...

He has this decently sized white wall in his office, and asks a local artist to paint a mural on it.

The artist asks, "Well, what kind of mural were you thinking?"

The owner is a huge American History buff. He thinks for a bit, about the revolutionary war, the civil war... he decides ...

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Bill, a small business owner is at work one day and hears God speak to him.

"Bill, this is God," says a booming voice, "You need to sell your business and go to Las Vegas with all of your proceeds."

Bill is understandably shocked and when he asks God why he should do that, the instructions are repeated, only louder. So Bill, having been raised a God- fearing person, ...

Two Business owners are talking to each other

The first business man is about to retire and he says to the second one,

Man 1: "I can't believe that my son is the only one that can take over the business."
Man 2: "What do you mean?"
Man 1: "My son is an idiot. Watch this."

He calls his son into the room

Man 1: "Son, h...

I told the local business owner that I loved his convenient location -- walking distance from my house!

"That's nice, sir." He said. "But if you want an oil change, you'll have to drive"

What did the teller say to a business owner who drops all of his checks

At least they didn't bounce!

After hearing a speech on how to motivate employees,

the business owner posted signs that read "Do It Now" in every department
It was impossible for the employees not to see them all through the day.

A friend dropped by a week later. Seeing the signs, he asked if the scheme really worked.

"Well," said the business owner, "not exactly ...

I’ve decided to make a living renting out my two pet ferrets for events.

I’m a small business owner.

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Jack or Jill

A small business owner had money problems and had to let an employee go, either Jack or Jill. He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.


Then the he thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. ...

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A man walks into a bar and sees someone sitting alone, wearing a Trump hat.

The man strolls in and declares to the bartender, " I want to buy everyone in here a free round of drinks, except for the jerk in the Trump hat". The man wearing the hat dips his head and says "Thank you." Finding this annoying, he orders another around, again specifying that the man with the Trump ...

A man opens a business training seeing-eye-dogs with what he claims to be "the most scientific methods possible."

A curious reporter wants to see these methods in action, so he arranges to observe the final tests of some of these trained assistance dogs along with the business owner.

The first dog enters the testing course with his blind handler and performs spectacularly. First the dog guides his human ...

A study conducted in the United States showed that:

1. The popular sport of the urban population is basketball

2. Favourite sport of maintenance people is bowling

3. The favourite sport of the average staff is football

4. The favourite sport of senior staff is baseball

5. The favourite sport of directors is tennis

6...

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So Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are about to start trade with each other.

Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are two business men in New York. Mr. Brown is a fourth generation American, who owns a big clothing store, while Mr. Cohen is an old Jewish man, who immigrated to the U.S from Poland during the war. Mr. Cohen is small business owner, who makes cloth.

One day Mr. Cohen...

A couple of years ago Barry went hiking across Europe

But as time passed by he never returned home. His many friends tried contacting him in any way they could imagine, but his phone was disconnected, he wasn't active on his social media accounts anymore - it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Ultimately, everyone had forgotten a...

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Take another card.

Rob is a rather successful small business owner living in the assuming lands of the mid-western United States. One day, as he arrives at his modest office and sits down at his modest desk and begins his modest work for the day, he hears a rather booming voice say, "SELL YOUR BUSINESS, ROB!" Startl...

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A monastery opens a flower shop [long]

Outside a large town, a monastery was running out of money. The monks conferred, and decided the best way to alleviate their financial woes would be to use their considerable gardening skills to sell flowers. They used what was left in the coffers to buy a small shop, and opened a store.
After ...

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Mr. Tilley is running a Christian book store in a strip mall. [Long]

And business is good. The community has been growing, both in economy and spirit, with community centers and parks, factories and research laboratories. A true mecca of modern civilization. Mr. Tilley knows everyone in town, and everyone knows him. When anyone sees him, they smile, wave, and say "Bl...

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