This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her. The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets...

He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God left Jim with one of two choices. To be homeless and unemployable forever or to always have a bulging boner.

The choice was clear, to be hardly living or living hardly.

I bought the wife a Pug dog yesterday. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat

The dog seemed to like her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

Just A Little Gas

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach.

"Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas."

A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun notic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Substitute English teacher

An English class for slower students was going through the dictionary as a months-long project, and is hoping to finish “S” soon.

One day the teacher, Mrs Smith, was about to move on to the next page. “Okay, the first word for today is s-“
She stopped mid sentence, froze up with her eyes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her husband's libido

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 
 
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 
 
'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 
 
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor.  'Give him an 'Irish Viagr...

A bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar, ...

and after a number of drinks, they agreed to go back to his place.

As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!"
...

A little girl is eating her vegetables

Suddenly one of the pea pods came to life and began pleading for its life, "No giant! Please spare me and I will take you to my kingdom where my queen will reward you with much more than my life!"

With nothing better to do, the girl accepts the offer and follows the talking pea to his kingdom...

A five year old boy won't stop sucking his thumb...

His mother has tried everything: gloves on his hands, bad-tasting glaze on his fingernails, rewards charts, etc., but somehow or another her son would always end up with his thumb back in his mouth.

Finally, after many exasperating months, the mother bursts out with, "Listen, son: Every time ...

I asked my wife if I look fat in the clothes I had on.

She said, "YES! You look disgusting and your bulging out of the sides, take off my damn clothes!"

I said, "Now you know what I see every day".

Regretting the compliment...

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

Joe walks into a bar...

...when he comes inside he sees Billy sitting by the bar wearing a huge watch, which is way to big to be comfortable.

Joe walks up to him and says "hey Billy, where the hell did you get that watch?"

Billy points into the corner and says "do you see the old man sitting in the corner th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Magic Dildo

They say that love knows no bounds. In the case of Donkey and the Dragon, this is true. However, even though the two loved each other, Donkey quickly realized that the differences in their sizes meant that he couldn't please the Dragon with his little Pinocchio.

Wanting the best for his loved...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer goes out for a beer...

After a round of golf, a golfer loads his trunk up with his clubs but puts his extra tees and balls in his pockets. He goes into the clubhouse for a beer.

He sits down next to a blond woman at the bar. She sees the bulging pants of the golfer and barely stops herself from gasping. She cannot ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car on Fire!!!

Driving home late one night, a man spotted a car on fire. He rushed over to help and saw that a beautiful woman was trapped inside, bleeding to death. He dragged her to safety from the flames, wrapped her in a blanket and drove her to the nearest hospital. Over the next six months, he regularly dona...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink...

When the bartender gave him the drink the man took out his wallet to pay for his beverage. The bartender was shocked to see all of the cash that he held in his wallet for it was bulging with hundred dollar bills! The bartender in shock asked the man...

"Damn son, whats with all the cash on yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus...

A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus and sits next to a blonde woman. The blonde woman notices his pants are bulging near his crotch area and keeps looking down towards his crotch. The man notices her staring at his crotch so he turns to her and she quickly turns hear head...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Clitoris Licking Frog

A new exotic adults' toy shop opens in town and Joan, a middle-aged spinster decides to go and check out their wares in hopes to satisfy her usually unquenchable urges.
A poster in the shop window immediately catches Joan's eye. 'NEW Clitoris Licking Frog - Guaranteed satisfaction in minutes'. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bar walks into a man.

A bar walks into a man.

The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to b...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.