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Blatantly Jokes

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A bit dated, but it gave me a chuckle nonetheless. (Blatantly stolen from a grandma email.)

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If...

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A student is blatantly cheating in an exam

The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.

At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way....

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

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"Dad, what's a vagina look like?"

Reddit's new API pricing has forced third-party apps to close. Their official app is horrible and only serves to track your data. The CEO has blatantly lied and only wishes to exploit the unpaid members of the Reddit community.

Follow me on Mastodon or Lemmy.

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, who is blatantly drunk. He walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says "Sorry bud we don't serve drunks. So the man gets out of his chair and walks out the side door and then goes back in the front door. He orders another drink. Bartender...

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My Sister is Obsessed With the Worst Guy Ever

To this day I don't understand what my little sister sees in this guy. He's unemployed and has absolutely no ambition to get a job. Not only does he rely on her for food but this fucker moved in as soon as they met despite my warnings to at least get to know him a little better before making such a ...

My grandfather was terminally ill...

The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him so we took him to see a naturopath who told us to cover his back in grease.

But after that he just went downhill very quickly.


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Blatantly stolen from the great Milton Jones

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A man and woman were about to "get it on"

He starts to take his shoes and socks off when she cries out,

"Oh shit,what happened to your feet?"

He replies,"Oh that.I had tolio."

"You mean polio don't you?"

"No.It just infected my toes."

Thinking nothing of it he begins taking off his pants.

"Oh my,Wha...

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The Magic Cure[NSFW]

In a royal court the jester and the court physician are close friends. one day the jester expresses his fantasy of sucking the queen's tits to the physician. the physician says he can make it happen as long as the jester does what he says and pays him 10 gold coins after it is done, the jester agree...

I once played chess with an Egyptian King...

...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.

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A young girl goes to the zoo with her mother

and the girl see's something between the elephant's legs and asks what it is. The mother is shocked so she says "oh that's nothing." A week later the girl goes to the zoo with her father and asks about the elephant again. The father blatantly says "it's a penis." The girl replies with "but mother sa...

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So there's a new drink at the bar...

A man named Derek walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another man. The man looks over and says "Hey, have you heard of the new drink called 'Bounce'? It's amazing!"

Derek responds "Yeah? What's so special about it?"

In which the man replied "You wouldn't believe it, it makes you ...

Eureka

There once were 2 people: A and B.

A was always up and about while B was always dormant, staying put in his bathtub all day and night.

One day, A had a cold. When A was walking about a countless number of individuals insulted A and laughed at him. Unable to smell, A could not understan...

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A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

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Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

You see a man on the bus and he has a stutter...

... and he is trying to ask for directions. The stuttering man walks up to someone sitting down.

"E-ex-ex-excuse me, but wh-wh-what stop is the b-b-b-bank?"

The person briefly glaces to the stuttering man... then he looks down and doesn't answer. You think this is pretty unusual! Why ...

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