UPJOKE
baronetryanericpatrickadrianlisatracyginaaristocratpatricianmargegiven namemilhousedoggettcapps

Bart Jokes

A man named Bart walks into a bar.

The bartender shoots him on sight.

Why do people named Bart avoid pubs?

They’re all scared of the bartender.

What does Scottish Bart Simpson say

Aye, caramba






He is also called McSimpson

Why does Bart Simpson always prank call Moe?

Because he's a Bart ender

Bart Simpson goes to a bar

He introduces himself to the barkeep and orders a drink that is enthusiastically provided to him.
Bart downs the drink, keels over and dies.

A patron sitting at the bar observing all this exclaims to the bar keep, "Oh my God! What just happened? Did you just poison Bart Simpson?!"

T...

Do you know why Moe and Bart never got along?

It’s because Moe was a Bart-ender

The adventures of Farty Bart

Bart was a regular fellow, quite charming actually. But he farted often than most.


Bart has obatined that sweet sweet yes from the girl of his dream, they agreed to a date on his now girlfriend's house.


They were eating, chatting, laughing, until he had the sudden urge to fart....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Homer say to Bart when he couldn't please his uninterested crush?

You're a simp, son.



(Of course it's bad. I just wanted to get this shit out of my system.)

Why does Moe syzlak from the Simpsons, hate Bart Simpsons?

Cause he is a bartender

Black Bart

A man rides into an old west town and he notices as he's riding up that there's no one around. He heads over to the sheriff's office and knocks on the door, when he does he hears a shout from around the building. As he rounds the building to see what's up he sees a man in the window, and is surprise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with an immensly large dick enters a bart

Bart screams

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists think that Vice President Cheney stole someone's identity, and that his birth name is actually Bart.

It's not true. I've met him. He's a real Dick.

What did they call it when Bart Simpson met Steve Jobs?

iCaramba

A man walks into a bar and asks for a job.

The owner asks him “What makes you think you’re qualified for a job here?”

The man replies: “Sir, when my father was young he killed a man named Bartholomew. His father, in his youth, also killed a man named Bartholomew. His father did the same, and his father, and his father, all the way to ...

Why was Sideshow Bob so jealous of Moe?

He always wanted to be a bartender.

A Bartender walks into a bar.

\*Bart's life flashes before his eyes as he's mercilessly shot four times in the chest\*

I'm a dad. Here's my joke: Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub?

Because there's a BartEnder there.

Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy.

I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.

What would Sideshow Bob be if he served drinks?

A Bart-ender!

Why can’t Sideshow Bob mix drinks?

He’s a failed Bart ender.

so a dung beetle walks into the bar.

so a the bartender says, “Sorry, that stool’s already taken.”

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

What's the difference between Moe and Sideshow Bob?

Ones the bartender, the others the Bart ender.

Doctor, doctor, I think my hearing's going!

What are the symptoms?

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie

A man walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."

The man asks "Well what would you do...

“Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...”

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

There's this bartender . . .

It's the wild west and a bartender is behind the bar, polishing glasses and going about his normal day's work. Suddenly, a man bust through the saloon doors and yells, "y'all gotta get out of here! Big Bad Barts comin!"

Half of the patrons rush out the front, while the other half runs to the...

I finally did it! I got my bartending license!

If your name is Bart I will END YOU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bar tender. "Do you guys have golden toilets?" he asks.

"What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?"

"Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet."

Bartender says "OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. Secondly, HEY MORTY, I FOUND THE GUY THAT PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke Walks into a Bar. [OC]

A Joke walks into a bar and the Bartender says "Wait... this isn't right."

The Joke says "Listen, quickly! I have little time to explain! You and I are but characters living in a hypothetical reality, being puppeteered by some inconceivable monster telling a joke! It's not even a good joke ei...

I had it rough growing up. No friends, at all...

It was just me and Black Bart,

My imaginary enemy.

Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?

Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.

Erwin the Bounty Hunter

Erwin the bounty hunter rides into town with a box strapped to his horse behind him. He rides up to the mayor, holds up the "Wanted" poster, and says, "I've got Bart the Bandit here just as you requested: 'Dead and alive'."

The mayor replies, "The poster says 'Dead OR alive', not 'Dead AND al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pastor Pete looks out his window after prayers one morning and he sees old Captain Salty stumbling down the road zig-zagging back back and forth.

"Hey, you crusty old pirate," Pastor Pete yelled. "What are doing drunk already? It's not even seven a.m."

"Let me tell, ye, ye nosy busy body," Captain Salty replied, "I haven't had a drink in over twelve hours!"


"Is that so?" asked Pastor Pete. "I hope your sea legs are better...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bimm Corporation

Black guy goes to employment office. New lady at counter tells him they have a new system that will help him get a job. She hands him paper, all it says is "BIMMHYBARTPCT." He asks what that means. She says I think you will be working for the Bimm
Corporation.lordy Lordy he says! Where are they l...

The Bubba Joke--long

Bubba is talking to his friend in a bar and boasts to his friend that he knows everyone in the world. His friend, of course, doesn’t believe him.
“If you know everyone in the world, name everyone in this bar.” Bubba proceeds to name everyone—Joey, Rachel, Sam, Johnny, Bart, until everyone is name...

“What’s your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me.



"Bartholomew." I said.



"And your last name?" he continued.



"It's always been Bartholomew." I said.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.