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Aren't Jokes

Communism jokes aren't funny.

Unless everyone gets them.

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My wife said to me "You're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren't you?"

I said "How could you say such a thing?"



(To whoever reposts this: the correct spelling is actually *Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch*)

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

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I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months......

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

Constipation jokes aren't my favorite.

But they're a solid #2

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Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes.

But they are a solid number two.

Today a friend said to me: "Marco, aren't you sad to see your friends getting married and you being single at 43?"

I replied:

"Yes, I am, but I don't know how to help them."

Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it

Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life

The mountains aren't just funny, they're

Hill areas

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Kegals aren't just for women!

It's just that when men do it, it's a dick move.




(First joke I've ever come up with myself, sorry if it sucks.)

(if you could improve or elaborate, feel free )

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law. My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

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Gay jokes aren't funny.

Cum on guys.

Why aren't Koalas actual bears?

They DO NOT meet Koalafications

My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"

I know he means well...

Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny

they just don't work.

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

9/11 Jokes aren't funny.

But the other 2 are.

People generally aren't too nice

In fact, the average person is mean

Vampires aren't real.

Unless you count Dracula.

True house cleaners aren't just born

They're maid.

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Sometimes the forwards from Grandma aren't so bad.

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was g...

I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners."

It was my complimentary nan

my friend told me that tool puns aren't funny

I said I disagree because I think awl puns are funny

Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afganistan?

Because there's a target on every corner.

Toilet jokes aren't my favourite kind of humour

But they're a solid number 2...

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If you're bi and single then you aren't bisexual

Your bi yourself

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Humans aren't the only creatures who stutter [NSFW for language]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. *"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,"* she says.

A little girl raises her hand and says, *"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."*

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to ...

COVID jokes aren't funny

They're downright tasteless.

What do you call potatoes that aren't real?

Imitators

Why Aren't There Riots When White People Get Killed?

Because white people have work in the morning.

I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming

Because marches would definitely solve the problem.

Why aren't cats allowed in astrophysics

It'd be a catastrophe

Things aren't automatically good just because they're made from natural ingredients

Just look at Ed Gein's lampshade.

Why aren't you married?

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
...

I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore.

Poor guy can't catch a "brake".









(P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)

Humans aren't the only ones who struggle with marriage.

Married Seals always struggle. Their marriages are always on the rocks.

Why aren't there any guns in Harry Potter?

Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Condoms aren't 100% safe.

My buddy was wearing one when he got hit by a bus.

Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

why aren't fish allowed online

They always get hooked on the inter net

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An American walks into a pub, says "I'll have a bud light". The bartender replies "You're American aren't you?"

The guy says "How did you know? Was it the beer or the accent?"

Bartender replies: "Neither, you're the fattest fuck I've ever seen in my life."

3 Guys Go To A Ski Lodge, But There Aren't Enough Rooms...

So they're forced to share a bed.

Middle of the night comes around and the guy on the right wakes up hysterical claiming he had the most wildest dream--someone was giving him a hand job!

The guy on the left woke up and from all the ruckus and said that's an awful coincidence...he was ...

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Finally proves all blondes aren't dumb

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she strips naked from her neck down, and...

I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

Your eyes aren't real.

They're just in your head.

To those who aren't getting the V or the D today, well,

Happy alentine's ay!

Titanic jokes aren't funny anymore. They're so old and outdated.

That ship has sailed a long time ago.

Holocaust jokes aren't funny

Anne frankly, they need to stop

"Hey, aren't you a poetic metric characterized by a short syllable followed by a long, stressed syllable?"

"iamb"

Why aren't there any white jokes?

No one wants to get on the shooter's bad side.

Why aren't cosmetic students afraid of missing their exams?

They love make up tests!

Why aren't dogs good dancers?

They've two left feet

People say humans aren't stupid

Yet half of humanity are dumber than average.

Guys, police jokes aren't funny.

So give it arrest. (I'm so sorry)

I recently heard that Turkeys aren't allowed to play baseball.

No matter how many times they hit, they'll always hit Fowl balls.

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If there is earth on planet Earth, why aren't there Jews on Jupiter?

Because it's a gas planet.

Why aren't there a lot of Irish lawyers?

Because they have trouble passing the bar.

I got a new job at retail and spend eight hours a day being yelled at and criticized for things that aren't my fault.

I never thought my humiliation fetish would be good for my career.

French Fries aren't cooked in France.

They're cooked in Greece

I told my girlfriend today that PMS pains aren't actually as bad as women claim they are.

Could anyone please tell me how I can get a pair of nail clippers out of my back? The hands won't reach far enough.

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

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"You're still constipated, aren't you Watson?"

"No shit, Sherlock."

Whenever you feel bad about things because they aren't going well....

Just imagine a T Rex making a bed. Things could be worse, so smile.

Why aren't Hawaiian greeters professional?

They are leimen.

My scissors aren't very good at detail work...

They are always cutting corners.

Why aren't cowboys circumcised?

So they have a place to put their chewing tobacco when they're eating.

Why aren't cremations given out for free?

Because you have to urn them.

Why aren't koalas considered bears?

Cause they don't have the right koalaifications

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than n...

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

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Guts and Balls aren't exactly the same thing

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've
heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they however, know the difference between them?

Here's the official distinction; straight from the British
Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS...

"Hey, aren't you that guy who gets mistaken for people?"

"No, you got the wrong person there mate."

Men, if you're in a new relationship with a woman, but things aren't progressing physically, buy her a bra from the clearance rack.

At that point, it's already 50% off.

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"Aren't you gonna eat me now?" asked the male praying mantis after sex

"Nah, that's just the females."

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Why aren't pregnant women lonely in Japan?

Because they get to hang out with all the edemames.


You want OC? That's fresh off the dome

Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?

'cause Freedom rings

Why aren't Incel's big fans off Iron-Man?

They're just not big on Fe-Males, that's all.

If you think that NFTs aren't a scam...

I have a jpeg of a bridge I'd like to sell you.

What jobs aren't around anymore?

Steve Jobs

Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?

Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

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Communists and Trump supporters really aren't all that different...

They both want a world with no class.

Communist puns aren't funny

Unless everyone get them.

(I need full Marx for this one)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife love golfing together, but they aren't very good, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, an...

Did you know Gregorian monks aren't allowed to make puns?

They cant

My brother is in the hospital guys, doctors aren't giving much hope.

Doctors say that he's incapable to stand for the next 8 months, he's extremely weak now. I can barely bear the noises, he's crying so much I feel very bad for him going through this. Anyway, on a positive note, I'm a big brother now!

Golf players aren't real althletes.

They've got small balls.

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Why aren't Jews easily distracted?

because they've been to concentration camp.

Why aren't lions cannibals?

They can't swallow their pride.

Why aren't gluten free people mainstream?

The go against the grain.

Why aren't morgues round?

Because then there'd be no coroners.

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive?

Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught.

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