A man compalins to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with. His wife said "Well what about your friend Clyde?" The men replied "Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren't looking?" "No, I guess not" replied his wife. The man said....

"Neither would Clyde"

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.....

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

PMS jokes aren't funny.


"Hey, aren't you that guy who gets mistaken for people?"

"No, you got the wrong person there mate."

Communist jokes aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them.

My favorite joke for my cake day

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My wife said to me "You're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren't you?"

I said "How could you say such a thing?"

COVID jokes aren't funny.

They're just downright tasteless.

Q: Why aren't cosmetics students scared of missing their exams?

A: Because they like to take makeup tests!

Mountains aren't just funny.

They are hill areas.

As an ex-archer myself, I had always wondered, why aren't we allowed to shoot into the crowd?

Then, it hit me.

I don't understand why girls aren't interested in me.

My Tinder profile is unmatched.

Why aren't people allowed to bbq naked during hot, dry climates?

High risk of Bush fires.

Vampires aren't real?

Unless, you Count Dracula.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Kegals aren't just for women!

It's just that when men do it, it's a dick move.

(First joke I've ever come up with myself, sorry if it sucks.)

(if you could improve or elaborate, feel free )

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Gay Jokes aren't funny!

Cum on guys!

Why aren't koalas considered bears?

Cause they don't have the right koalaifications

"If you aren't home from the pub in five minutes," said my wife, "then you are sleeping in our car tonight."

"I don't believe you," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't find our car."

Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?

'cause Freedom rings

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.


PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.

I said "I knew it!!"

Why aren't you married?

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

People say humans aren't stupid

Yet half of humanity are dumber than average.

Race jokes aren't funny

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Why aren't Hawaiian greeters professional?

They are leimen.

You wanna know how I know that good hookers aren't worth the money?

Because I always overcharge clients.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why aren't pregnant women lonely in Japan?

Because they get to hang out with all the edemames.

You want OC? That's fresh off the dome

Why aren't gluten free people mainstream?

The go against the grain.

A man is walking along the road when he sees his mother in law being attacked by five men. His wife asks, "Aren't you going to help?".

The man says no five should be enough.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Jokes about poop aren't my favorite.

But they are a solid #2.

Q:Why don't blood cells preach the gospel? A: because you aren't supposed to take the lord's name in vein.

Q:Why don't blood cells preach the gospel? A: because you aren't supposed to take the lord's name in vein.

Two guys meet each other in the middle of the street. One of them asks the other: "hey, aren't you the guy who always gets mistaken for someone else?

The other guy replies: "no"

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Davy: "Johnny, aren't you coming out to play today?"

Johnny: "No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework."

Why do some people use Ball jars, even though they aren't the best brand?

Because they don't Kerr

Your eyes aren't real.

They're just in your head.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

"You're still constipated, aren't you Watson?"

"No shit, Sherlock."

I just got a new guard dog. He's blind, can't hear, and has no teeth. The bad guys aren't afraid of him, and he doesn't do anything to justify his existence.

In fact, he's sort of like the Federal Trade Commission's "Do Not Call List".

Oh wait...gotta go. My phone is ringing again.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Lawyers should never ask a Virginia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big d...

Why aren't cowboys circumcised?

So they have a place to put their chewing tobacco when they're eating.

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action...

Today I learnt koala bears aren't actual bears. They're marsupials.

I guess they don’t meet the koalafications.

People say that you'll find the love of your life when you aren't looking

Which is true, except by that point i had already run her over!!

Why aren't there many North Koreans in the Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, swim, or jump is in South Korea

9/11 jokes aren't funny

The other 2/11 are quite good though!

I generally get turned on by naked people. Sometimes they aren't naked. I get turned on by children, old people, adults as well. What am I?

I'm a showerhead.

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

Golf players aren't real althletes.

They've got small balls.

I formed a rock group called the elastics, things aren't going so well so far though,

We have one song and it's band.

Why aren't MS Word files allowed here?

Rule 4: No docx-ing

French Fries aren't cooked in France.

They're cooked in Greece

Science Trivia: What's it called when you see colors in the air that aren't actually there?

A pigment of your imagination

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

If you're bi and single then you aren't bisexual

Your bi yourself

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

Why aren't people in the Afghanistan allowed to watch TV.

Because of the telly ban

True house cleaners aren't just born...

they're maid..

Why aren't morgues round?

Because then there'd be no coroners.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why aren't Southern Baptists allowed to have sex standing up?

Because it might lead to dancing.

Most of the jokes I've heard recently aren't very good

But they're running for office anyway.

A notoriously strict professor has a policy that if you aren't in your seat at the beginning of the exam you get a 0. No questions asked.

On the day of the final, the professor sets each of the 200 exam packets on each desk before the students arrived. When the exam began every student is present except for one. About halfway through the exam time the student walks in, takes his seat, and begins.

The professor rolls his eyes a...

Why aren't there any Walmarts in Iraq?

Because there's a target on every corner.

I don't understand why mattresses aren't talked about more

Seems like people are really sleeping on them

Those push-up bras aren't very good, are they?

I wore my wife's to the gym this morning and I still couldn't manage more than six.

I have a fear of numbers which aren't the ratio of two integers.

It's really irrational.

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

Birds aren't my favourite animal

But they're up there.

Jokes about fat people aren't funny.

Don't you all think those people already have enough on their plate?

A rope walks up to a bar but the bouncer turns him away, saying that ropes aren't allowed.

So, the rope walks away, ties himself in a bow and unravels his ends a bit.

When he walks back to the bar, the bouncer says "hey, aren't you that rope we just turned away?"

To which the rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"

You know what infertility jokes aren't?


This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Jokes sexualizing blondes aren't funny.

They are fucking stupid.

Doctor I'm afraid of people that aren't blind.

Doc: I see

Me: aaAaaaaaAAAAAA

Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...

I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.

To all the ladies and gents who aren't getting the V or the D in Valentine's day

Happy Alentine's Ay

Vikings aren't afraid of death.

... they know they'll be BjΓΈrn again.

9/11 jokes aren't known for bringing the house down

They bring the towers down

(Robber who stabbed me 23 times): "WTF, how aren't you dead?"

Me: Bro we're in the living room.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why aren't jazz musicians missing their girlfriends during quarantine?

They're already used to the sex on phone

Americans aren't stupid.

We just shoot the ones who go to school.

Why aren't boats equipped with artificial intelligence?

Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.

Why aren't there many jokes about Jonestown?

The *punchlines* are so long.

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

Why are giraffes real but unicorns aren't?

What's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot neck?

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Good news! I read that people aren't hoarding toilet paper anymore,

Guess we wiped out that tissue, I mean, issue.

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