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Account For Jokes

My friend let's everyone use his Amazon account for free shipping

We call him the Prime Minister

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male vampires account for 0% of all unexpected pregnancies.

This is because they need permission to cum inside.

My friend and I opened a shared bank account for buying weed.

It'll be our joint account.

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

There are certain professions where having experience doesnt account for anything

like being a suicide bomber

My dad works as a banker at Wells Fargo. I asked him to open a checking account for me

A checking account? What do you need two checking accounts for? Are you sure you want three checking accounts and a saving account? Fine, I'll open four checking accounts, two savings accounts and a line of credit for you.

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, “I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?”

The applicant responds, “I went to Yale.”

Excited, the interviewer says, “Yale?!? You’re hired!”

The applicant replies, “Yay! I got a yob!”

Why are the banks collapsing?

Because they don't know how to account for their problems.

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."

After a slight h...

Nowadays kids have it so easy. When I was their age, I had nothing but $3 in my pocket. So, what did I do?

I bought a house, started a family, and put the remaining 75 cents into a savings account for emergencies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting...

After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away.

"I'll get him," the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bank.

He walks over to the teller and says to her "I want to open a fucking bank account."

The teller says "Sir, there is no need for that kind of language..."

The man says "What kind of language? All I said was that I want to open a fucking bank account."

The teller says "Sir, if you...

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