UPJOKE

Words Of Wisdom Jokes

Speaking words of wisdom

Build a man a fire and keep him warm for the night.

Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Fishing words of wisdom:

If you're going to go fishing be certain that if you ask a Baptist to be your fishing partner, you ask that two Baptists go fishing with you.

Because if you only ask one....He'll drink all of your beer.

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

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Words of wisdom

"You have enough blood to fill your heart or your dick, but not both

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Theme 3: 1 Liners, Words of Wisdom

*I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

*Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

*Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in ...

The Rabbi’s Final Lesson

One afternoon, a synagogue’s Senior Rabbi invited the Assistant Rabbi in for a chat.

“Nu? As you know, 53 years I’ve led this Holy Congregation. Next week, I’ll retiring. Before I move to Florida and you never hear from me again, do you have any last questions? Are there any great words of ...

Hidden desire

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said ” you look cute.. I like you.”…. The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said “My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home a...

When I find myself in times of trouble...

When I find myself in times of trouble /

Mother Russia comes to me /

Speaking words of wisdom... /

covfefe!

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point...

... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special.

Eventual...

A young man has just gotten his driver's license

So his father offers some words of wisdom.

"Son" he says "In this day and age the road can be a dangerous place. First of all, beware of any drunk drivers. Second, beware of any taxi drivers. And finally, motorcycles."

"But dad, what about women?"

"Ah. A woman is like a drunk ...

You have to read this in Paul McCartney's voice

When I find my tweets are causing trouble

Mother Russia comforts me

Tweeting words of wisdom

Covfefe

A captain of a ship was retiring after 40 years in the business.

He had some good voyages, and some bad, but it was finally time to sail one last time. Before each trip, the captain would open a small leather book, read a certain page, close the book and board the ship for the voyage. Only he knew what the leather book said. Not even his first mate knew what the ...

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Wisdom from an old bull to the young.

My father told me this many years ago, many have heard it but I've never seen it posted.

There is a young bull standing atop a hill with an older bull, below them is a pasture full of heifers, cattle as far as the eye can see. The young bull looks at the old bull and exclaims, "Hey, let's ru...

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