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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

I've got a wobbly fence in my back yard...

My friend says some of the fence posts are dodgy. He sent me to r/jokes because he said they're good at reposting.

I'd like to congratulate the inventor of the wobbly table

He must be successful with them being in every restaurant and cafe

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When God created man, all of the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The Brain said that since he controlled the body that he should be boss.

The Eyes said that without them man would be helpless, they should be boss.

The Legs said that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The Stomach said that since it digested the ...

What is wobbly and flies?

A Jellycopter

A young woman boards a packed bus and goes: "Won't someone give their seat to a pregnant woman?"

As she looks around, a young man jumps up and offers his seat: "Here, sit down!"
With a sigh, she lets herself down on the seat and says "Thank you so much!". The young man: "I'm sorry, but it's not very visible yet. How long have you been pregnant?" She answers: "For about half an hour now. My k...

A young Irish girl goes to confession...

...and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”

“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend... FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my pass...

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In the beginning, when Man was first created, all the members of the body held a meeting to decide who should be in charge.

The brain said that it should be in charge because it had the power of decision making and so controlled what everything else in the body did.

The eyes pointed out that they were the ones who saw everything, including whatever objectives the brain was going to decide to pursue, so they shou...

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The Most Important Body Part

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

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The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

A large semiaquatic rodent with webbed hind feet and a broad flat tail walks into a bar carrying a hammer and screwdriver.

He starts working on various wobbly bar stools, wonky tables, stuck doors, sagging rails and so on, fixing misalignments and straightening everything up, all the while humming and singing under his breath.

After several minutes of careful work to get everything straight and level he finishes...

A man's wife goes into labor

After hours in labor she finally gives birth to a boy who was born with nothing from the neck down but is otherwise healthy.

Regardless, the father still treats him like a regular boy. They play catch together and watch TV together. He teaches the boy about cars and how to treat women and he ...

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A jungle explorer is captured by natives

and is brought before the tribal chief.

"Trespassing in our jungle is punishable by death." says the the chief, "We can kill you right now quickly and painlessly, or you can try and survive a test of courage and win your freedom."

"What's the test of courage?" Asks the explorer.
...

Did you hear about the dizzy marsupial?

It was a wobbly wallaby.

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A man comes home from work

A man comes home from work to the sound of sobbing coming from the bedroom so he goes upstairs to see what's going on. Upon entering the marital bedroom he finds his wife standing naked & crying in front of the full length mirror.
"Darling, what's wrong?" He asks.

His wife replies " I'...

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Woman gets perved on while her massive boyfriend is in the restroom

When her giant of a boyfriend returns she tells him that the weird looking guy at the bar had perved on her while he was away.
 

She says that the guy said he wanted to unbutton her blouse and jiggle her big ol’ titties. Her boyfriend stands up and says “right I’m having a word w...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

Drunk Husband

In the wee hours of the morning a wife is woken up by the sound of the door, signaling the return home of her husband. She lays in bed listening to the thuds of his feet slowly make their way up the stairs. They get to the doorway and stop. The wife looks up and sees her husband carrying a sheep. An...

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A bet in a bar

A man sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and then said to the bartender: “I bet you 250 euros that I can stand on my bar seat and piss straight in that cup you’ve got back there without missing a single drop.”
The bartender estimates the distance at 2 meter, realizes his bar seats are quite wobb...

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