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Replays Jokes

Boss tells his new worker:

“You work really slow, you walk really slow, I watched you during lunch and you ate your sandwich really slowly too! Is there anything you can do fast!?”

The worker replays: “I get tired really fast!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man ask for absolution to a priest during conffession. The priest tells the man " is clear that you are too attached to money so as a penance give 20€ to the first person you meet outside of the church, it doesn't matter who he or she will be". So the man leaves the church and walks away

After a few minutes, finally, he sees someone, is a woman, from her appearance alone he understands that the she is a prostitute but he remember Father's words "it doesn't matter who he or she will be". So he approaches her and trys to give her the 20€. The woman is furious! "You think you can have ...

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The bus driver, the hippy, and the nun.

A bus driver, a hippy, and a nun are all on the bus as it comes to a stop. As the nun is getting off the hippy says to her “I am going to have sex with you.” The nun replies “like hell you are and leaves.” The buss driver says “do you see that grave site over there?” Hippy replays “yes.” “Well every...

The good doctor

A doctor moves to America, but is not allowed to continue practicing medicine. So he opens a shop with a sign that says "$20 and we'll cure any illness. Guaranteed, or you get $100 back."

A lawyer sees the sign and realizes he can make an easy $100. He walks into the clinic and says he lost ...

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A man walks into a shrink’s office.

“What’s wrong?” Asks the shrink.

“It’s a little embarrassing” answers the man.

“This is a safe place” assures him the shrink.

“Well doc, recently, i can’t seem to be able to focus” replays the man.

“What’s distracting you?” Asks the shrink.

“Well, i guess there is...

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A guy watching TV, asks his wife

A guy, watching TV, asks his wife,

"Can you, please, bring me a beer, before it starts?"

The wife, a little annoyed, brings him a beer.

After five minutes, the guy, asks again,

"Can you please bring me another beer, before it starts?"

The wife brings him another be...

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so a man is pulled over

The cop walks up to the window and says sir, do you know why I pulled you over? The man says no and the cop says I clocked you doing 77 in a 65. May I see you license, registration and proof of insurance. The man says he not only has none of those but the car is stolen. The couple he stole it from ...

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A man comes home from work early and finds his wife lying on the bed panting hard

"What's going?" he asks her?
"Er, I'm having chest pains", she replays, "so I decided to have a lie down."
He runs downstairs and quickly phones for an ambulance.
Whilst on the phone his youngest of 3 children pull his sleeve and says," Daddy, uncle John is naked in the wardrobe".
He qui...

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A wife is desperately looking for a present for her husband's 50th birthday.

She goes into a pet shop and starts asking for yhe prices ok different animals, but her attention goes into a frog that had a label for $1.000 dollars. Consumed by doubt, she approaches to a salesman and asks about this overly expensive pet:

-Excuse me can you tell me, why this frog is so exp...

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A man walks into a brothel

And tells the women at the counter, " I'm looking for some pussy" the clerk is concerned and instead offers the man some chicken. $10 and you can have your way with the chicken. She says. The man looks at the chicken on the counter, after a moment of silence he agrees. She points him down the hall t...

Tyrone first day at 1st grade

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replays. "The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that." Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day Tyrone is crying again . "What'...

A trucker walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a beer, the bartender is a bit surprised to see the trucker. "Hey Bob, haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to? "

Bob takes a swig of beer, "man that tastes good, haven't had a beer in 18 months, I have been in prison" he says.

"You, I can't ...

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A man with a crippling stutter visits his doctor hoping for a cure...

"D D D D Doctor, you've g g g g got to Help m m m me, I'll dddo anyt t t t thing.

The doctor gives him a thorough physical examination, and sure enough discovers the problem....

"your penis is massive, it's causing a great strain on your vocal chords, which is creating the stutte...

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