Twin Brother Jokes - 42 Hilarious Twin Brother Jokes

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Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.

Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the testicles, and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

So my twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

My twin brother prefers to take the stairs, but I like the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

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I was born 20 minutes before my twin brother

But I set up my Reddit account a month before. So today is all mine fuckface.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother...

... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

Got a phone call today from my twin brother who is in jail

He said “Hey do you remember how we always used to finish each others’ sentences?”

Nobody knew Jesus' twin brother.

Until Easter.

Have you heard of Napoleon's twin brother?

They were Bonaparte from each other.

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

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Twin Brothers

There once was a set of identical twin brothers. One

lived a godly life. He was a good husband and

father, reputable businessman, and did lots of

community service. The other one was a hell-raiser.

He drank, cheated on his wife, stole and lied. They

both died a...

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If Johnny Had a Twin Brother

A single mother was raising a pair of terrible twins boys and was at wits ends as to what to do about their behavior, so he went to her pastor to ask for help.

"They're absolute terrors! They disobey me, they wreck the house, they don't do their homework. And worst of all, they cuss like a co...

What do you call twin brothers?

A sunset!

My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend.

But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.

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One day Dave and his twin brother

enlisting in the Army & were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both
of them possessed incredibly long, over sized penises. "How do you
account for this?" he asked them.
"It's hereditary, sir," Dave replied.
"I see,"...

Twin brothers were separated at birth.

One twin was adopted by a family in Egypt, whose adoptive mother named Ahmal. The other was adopted by a Spanish family who called him Juan. One day, the Spanish mother wrote to the Egyptian mother, asking for pictures of her son's long lost twin brother. The Egyptian woman responded, "But they're t...

What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime?

Cell Mates

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to ...

Me and my twin brother are 20 years old and never had a job or girlfriend.

Today my dad said if he knew we would have turned out so useless he would have named us thoughts and prayers.

I just found out that George Clooney's wife has a twin brother named Juan who looks exactly like her

Some people say that once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

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A pair of 18 year old twin brothers live together on a farm in the middle of nowhere...

The house is small so they have to sleep in the barn. One night there's a terrible rainstorm and a beautiful young woman asks for shelter for the night. She's told to sleep in the barn with the brothers.

The young woman decides that she wants to fool around with the brothers, but can tell the...

Doctor twin visits pastor twin

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher...

My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend...

I ran into these twin brothers I hadn’t seen since graduation, and I thought to myself..

“Well, you two still look the same.”

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(An old joke I heard. So sorry if I mess up with the wording.) A dead body was found floating in the river.

..The police recovered it, and found a wallet with the body. They found out that the wallet belonged to Mr. Smith. But they still weren't sure if the dead body was of Mr. Smith or not.

So they did some investigation and found out about the twin brothers Mark and Harry, who were very close fri...

The chief of staff of the US air force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of the armed forces. He directed that a nearby Air Force base will be open and all eligible young men and women would be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F - 15 fighter jet, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff struck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and said...

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Joke my cousin told me today

There are two twin brothers, one is a very successful dentist and the other is an unemployed bum. The bum brother has no job and lives with the successful dentist. One day he makes the decision to go out and get a job, so he gets in his car and he starts driving to some possible employers to hand ou...

A church has a job opening for..

a bell ringer. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The n...

Twins

A woman gives birth to twins. At age 8, one twin notices that his brother is about an inch taller than he is, but doesn't think much of it. At age 10, his brother appears to be two inches taller, and naturally the shorter boy begins to get discouraged. When they reach the age of 12, the shorter b...

Family meetings

I took my girlfriend back to my parents house to meet my family last night

"This is my dad, and this is my twin brother"

"Oh how cute" she said "who's the oldest"

"My dad obviously you idiot" I replied

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live....

Quasimodo Part 2

After Quasimodo’s funeral the next Sunday, his identical twin brother Farsimodo that no one knew he had was so distraught that he vowed to take up his brother’s mantle. Realizing that the funeral got out right before he had to ring the bells for the first time, he made a mad dash for the spires of ...

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

A set of identical twins are separated at birth

A mother in Italy was unable to keep her babies, she had two identical twin boys. Unfortunately she couldn’t find a family to take both children so two separate families each took one of the boys. One of the families was from Lebanon and named their son “Amal”. The other family was from Spain and...

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Mike and Mark

Mike and Mark are identical twin brothers.

Mike is a really good guy. Helps his friends in need, visits their mother regularly and is a pillar of their community.

Mark is a real ass. Self-centered, steals from his friends ignores their mother and is an all around douche bag.

...

My father's friend died in an car accident.

My father took me to his friend's funeral even though I didn't knew anyone of the people who attended that funeral. Few moments later a gentleman stood beside me and said,

Man- Hey kid, enjoy your life to your fullest and never give up in your life. These are the days which you'll remember y...

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Twins first day at school

Twin brother show up for their first day of elementary school, and of course the first order of business is for the class to introduce their self.

The teacher gets to the first of the twins and asks him to introduce himself to the class and he responds his name was "Turd."

The teacher...

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Jake and Wallace need a tiebreaker.

Jake and Wallace are 12 year old twin brothers. As they were heading out to the car, they both called shotgun at the same time.

To break the tie, they decided to flip a coin, best out of three.

Jake picked heads, Wallace picked tails.

Jake flips the coin, it was heads.

...

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A tale of two brothers

There were two dwarfs who decided to visit the city one night. They were twin brothers from a remote country town, and had decided to go out and celebrate their 21st birthday.

After some drinks and a nice dinner out, they were walking to the bus stop to go home, when they passed by a brothel....

So Quasimodo decides it's time to retire...

He's getting old, and ringing the bell at the Notre Dame cathedral has become too taxing. He puts a 'help wanted' ad in the local newspaper looking for a bell ringer, and receives a response the very next day from a skinny, overeager peasant, who agrees to meet him up in the bell tower.

Upon...

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