UPJOKE
cutdressshavethindecorateadornshearornamentparepruneembellishslashsniptidyclip

Trimmer Jokes

I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

A lady goes to the store to get a hair trimmer for her dog

..as she's browsing a clerk comes along and says "If you're using it on you're underarms, don't spray on deodorant for a few hours it will sting a lot." She says "No it's not for my underarms."

The clerk says "Well if you're doing your legs, don't wear pantyhose for a day, it can irritate you...

I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers.

They're cutting-hedge technology.

I started a new job as a Tree Trimmer.

Unfortunately, I was fired my first day. The boss said I just wasn't cutting it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I actually got to live through a classic joke!

**This is 100 percent true. **

Yesterday I was using electric hedge trimmers on my front bushes. My right hand was holding the safety handle. My left was holding a knob on the front right by the blades. That hand slipped and I reached out to stop it..... And grabbed the blades, still going....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Wife Offers a Deal

In an attempt to use sex to encourage me to do some jobs in and around the house, my wife walked up to me and said,”I’ll make you a deal… you go outside and cut the hedges, and I’ll shave my pussy.”

I replied, “Don’t be stupid. We can’t both use the hedge trimmer at once.”

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.

A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."

"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'...

Manscape

I'm not saying I need a pube trimmer, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinnochio has joined the Taliban

I try not to judge my barber for his weight but..

He could be a hair trimmer.

And on the third day, Jesus came back.

Because he accidentally left one of his edge trimmers in my backyard.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.