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Trashcan Jokes

People are like trashcans

When you step on their feet, their mouth opens.

What do you call a pessimistic trashcan?

A trashcan't.

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

You know what’s more Lit than throwing garbage in the trashcan?

Throwing it on the ground - it’s litter!

Why was the egg not allowed to go near the trashcan?

Because he tried to Humpty Dumpty.

A Blind man walks into a Bar

And a pole, and a trashcan

What is small, wrinkeled, disfiguered and lives in a trashcan?

Certainly not a desired child.

What's worst than a baby in a trashcan ?

A baby in two trashcan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's black, white, and red all over?

That fucking cat if he knocks over the trashcan again.

What's worse than three babies in one trashcan?

One baby in three trashcans.

Is it weird that I have a trashcan in my car?

My friend just looked at it and said that most people just call it a "back seat"

Physics Professor is sitting in the office of the Director of the University

And the Director tells him: "You physicists and your experiments are so damn expensive with all your special machines and exotic materials. Why can't you be more like the mathematicians? All they ever ask for is paper, pencils and a trashcan. Or even better, the philosophers. They don't even need a ...

Where's the safest place to hide if a war breaks out?

Inside a public trashcan. They are impossible to hit...

8:45 PM, Arrive at the crime scene

- 8:45 PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim’s phone and wallet are missing
- 8:45 PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- 8:45 PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the murderer was driving away...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFL] The sickest joke I've ever heard.

I warned every one.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He claims the bartender that he could eat literally anything without throwing up for $100. So the bartender pulls a rotted old sausage out of the garage, and the grabs it and eats it up. "Okay, double or nothing, what do you suggest" ...

There was a blond, brunette and a redhead running from a cop...

They turn down an alley and it's a dead end. The blond hides in a sack of potatoes. The brunette hides in a dumpster and the redhead hides in a trashcan.

The cop comes running down the alley and doesn't see them. So he walks over to the trashcan and kicks it.

"Meow!" Meows the redhead...

I've been struggling and writing for years and despite a few delays along the way, I finally won an Oscar!

Unfortunately, because of the delays, by the time I opened the trashcan he was already dead.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.

The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.

Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the h...

Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house....

...now I'm eating from my trashcan.

An old man is sitting on a park bench

Next to him is a large salt shaker and a bag filled with a bunch of bananas. Periodically the old man takes out a banana, carefully peals it, salts it with the shaker, grimaces, then throws it away in a nearby trashcan.

A woman observes him do this with several bananas and after a while final...

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A gambling problem.

So there's an 80 year old man who one day gets a call from the IRS.

IRS: hello sir we've noticed large amounts of money moving into and out of your account and I need you to come down for a meeting tomorrow and explain some things or we may have to perform an audit.

The old man agree...

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A boy and his dog

A young man walks into a bar, followed closely by a large ball of black hair. The bartender looks at him and says "We dont allow dogs in here!"

The young man responds, "That's not a dog, it's a wooleybugger."

"What's a woolybugger?" quips the bartender.

"Come outside and I'll s...

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A man gets called by the IRS because he’s suddenly started making a lot of money

A man gets called out by the IRS because he suddenly started making a lot of money. When he entered the IRS agent’s office with his lawyer, the agent says “how have even making all this money?“ The man says “well, I’ll be honest, I’ve been making a lot of bets recently.” The IRS agent says “what do ...

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alley way

So a white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking down an alleyway and one of them accidentally knock over a trashcan and a genie comes out. The genie announces himself as the ratchet genie and grants each man 1 wish.

The mexican says "i wish that i and my fellow hispanics can all live p...

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Tax Man (long)

One morning, a man got a call from the IRS.

IRS Agent: "Mr. Smith, we have noticed some large discrepancies on your account. We would like for you to come down to our office so that we can clear this issue up."

Mr Smith: "Gee, that sounds like a big deal. Should I bring a lawyer?"
...

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Ralph was called in for a meeting with the IRS

Ralph was called in for a meeting with the IRS, so he turns up for the meeting with his accountant. The tax clerk says to him "You wrote on your tax return that you make your money by gambling, but we find that quite hard to believe."
"No, it's true! I'm really good at it. Look, I can prove it!...

I was walking home today and I saw this naked koala.

And I thought to myself, "now, I know all koalas are technically naked (except, like, certain cartoon koalas or koalas that work birthday parties) but this koala just has this air about him that said 'I used to have clothes, but now I don't.'" And I felt pretty bad for the little guy, maybe somethin...

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Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

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