After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

Today I become one of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

A job of guard at the Samsung store has always been my dream.

If Groot had kids, and one of them betrayed the guardians

it would be treason.

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

Three men were at the gates of Heaven, the guardian claims Heaven is pretty full now and he can only let people with the worst deaths in.. [Long]

So he looks at the first man and asks "How did you die?" The first man responds, "Well I had a suspicion that my wife was cheating on me and so I came home early one day to the 6th floor of the complex and saw her naked in bed! So I yelled 'WHERE IS HE?' and saw some hands on the open window rail. I...

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There was a young couple very much in love...

There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter.
After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "S...

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A tomb raider goes into a pyramid

She enters the pyramid after hearing that the pharaoh holds a great artifact. She hops and dodges all kinds of traps until she gets caught by a zombie slave.

Slave says: I'm going to make you a slave.

He forces the raider into the slave room where he jumps on her in sexual intent. She ...

A man was offroading in the desert.

He was driving over the dunes and past the shrubs and bushes that dotted the landscape, when a sandstorm started blowing over. He figured he'd be fine, but the sand made his engine lock up.

After it had passed, he went out in search for help. The storm disoriented him and blew away his car tr...

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On a sunny morning Brezhnev goes out on the balcony of his apartment

He looks to the east, and says, “Hello, sun!” The sun replies, “Good morning, dear Leonid Ilyich, the beloved leader of our glorious socialist motherland, the hope of all progressive humanity, and the guardian of peace on Earth!” In the evening, Brezhnev admires the beautiful sunset and fishes for a...

A couple of robbers decided to rob a bank

They break and infiltrate the bank and when they open the safe, they find kilos of yogurts. Disappointed but mad, they started to drink all of them.

While they were exiting with belly full of yogurt, the robbers saw the guardian of the bank and asked him:
"-Hello sir, where do you keep th...

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A guy is lost in the jungle

...and is trying to find his way out. While he's wandering, he suddenly hears footsteps and cries behind him. He turns around and sees a group of savage tribesmen running towards him with spears in their hands.

The guy absolutely freaks out and starts running through any gap he sees between t...

Touring Stephen King's writing studio

Stephen King is showing a group of students around his writing studio, chaperoned by their aging English teacher. The students are clearly amazed with the items he has on display.

King leans over the desk to pick up a jar to show the children.

“I’m often asked,’ he says with words thi...

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