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Thawed Jokes

A man seeks cover in a cabin from the winter storm.

Very NSFW!

Allright, so this is a story from Norway.

It is a dark night in the winter. A small cabin is barely visible through the snow drift. A lone man, the cabin owner, sits in front of the fireplace. What little light there is comes from the fireplace and a few dim candles.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a little sparrow who decided to be different from all the other birds by not flying south for the winter.

Needless to say, it soon got so cold that the little bird reluctantly started south anyway. A storm blew in, the little bird grew cold, and ice formed on his wings which caused him to fall to the ground in a barnyard. A cow wandered by and shit on him. This may seem terrible, but it warmed the po...

Walt Disney's body wasn't frozen after he died.

Contrary to popular legend, it was only his head that was cryogenically frozen after he succumbed to lung cancer, having been a heavy smoker.

Years later a friend requested that Walt be thawed out so that he could see how he was doing. Apparently old habits die hard, because the first thing ...

Why did you ruin the Thanksgiving turkey at the last minute?

It just wasn't very well thawed out.
(it's bad, but it's mine)

Iceberg

A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.

One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns...

What did the man say after eating a frozen pizza?

That wasn't well thawed out.

Last night for dinner, we had frozen fish.

It wasn't very well thawed out...

I created a better way to defrost chicken

It was well thawed out.

The cryogenics company was going out of business so I had to take my parents head's home. We were never close,...

...our relations were thawed

My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt.

It wasnt well thawed out.

My friend said no terrible puns could console him after seeing Han Solo get frozen in carbonite. 'Relax,' I told him,

'Harrison thawed'.

Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a very well thawed out plan

Bachelor shopping

A man, enjoying bachelorhood while his wife was away visiting her parents, lived like a typical bachelor, living on whatever was in the pantry.

Cauliflower in the fridge? Fry them with the eggs found there and that's lunch and dinner. Don't want to cook? Open up the cans of soup in the pantry...

Made the mistake of biting into some half frozen food

Realized that wasn't well thawed out.

A little girl asked her dad what he thought of Frozen...

"It was not very well thawed out."

Greg was so hungry he ate a frozen steak.

He hadn't really thawed it out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little bird was flying in the cold,

he froze and fell to the ground. A cow walked by and shat on the bird. The bird thawed up and started singing joyfully. A nearby cat heard the singing, so he dug up the bird and ate it.

So, the morals of this story:

* Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
* Not everyone who h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shut Up

A young bluebird was flying from tree to tree in the brisk autumn air when he heard his parents call. Upon arriving back to the nest they tell the young avian to prepare for the trip south.

The little bluebird stubbornly inquires why, to which papa bluebird replies with details of heavy and c...

A Wealthy Programmer Freezes Himself.

Back in the early 70s, a programmer was able to build several complex systems and was heavily compensated for his work. Throughout the years, he put his knowledge to work and was able to fix almost any problem thrown at him. Unfortunately, however, he learnt from his doctor that he was slowly dying ...

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