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Telepathic Jokes

I've just invented a telepathically controlled air freshener

Makes scents when you think about it.

For his birthday, I got my friend a telepathic abacus.

It's the thought that counts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my wife and I are telepathically connected

Every time I feel horny she immediately gets a headache

TIL that Drax recently discovered a new superpower… The ability to speak to others telepathically.

“Now”, he says… “I just have to figure out how to hear them back.”

James Bond walks into a bar

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "*Is your date running late?*"

"*No*", he replies, "*Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know a hooker who gives telepathic orgasms.

She'll blow your mind.

This Valentine's Day, I'm sending telepathic gifts.

Because it's the thought that counts.

Some things make Italian mothers telepathic

Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, 'Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.' The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into ...

Would you like to hear a telepathic joke?

Would you like to hear another one?

Only telepathic people will understand this pun.

I'll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer and the ringmaster

Once upon a time, in a rural area, there was a poor, uneducated farmer.

One time, a circus came to the town. The farmer decided to visit it. After all, having spent all his life in his hometown, he had never seen such a thing. He was so excited and impressed.

During the ope...

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

A pair of twins walk into a bar...

A pair of twins walk into a bar.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask"...

Xhyr'noth the defiler, an ancient cosmic horror, decides to visit earth to go pub crawling through the US.

In the first state everyone at the pub runs off in terror. As the humanoid looking abomination filled with eyes and tentacles warps in and orders a beer. The police and military is informed but doesn't know what to do yet. The bartender doesn't care because he has suicidal depression and rather stri...

In honor of Sir Sean Connery (2 of 2)

James Bond is sitting at the bar doing a vodka martini, shaken not schtirred, when he notices a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar.

He glances at his watch, looks up and gives her a knowing wink.

Intrigued, she walks over, smiles and says, "What was that all about? Why did y...

touching story

Once there was a happily married couple with a baby on the way. One morning the wife's water broke and they rushed off to the hospital. While there the doctors told them there was a new machine that was developed which telepathically transfers a certain percentage of pain to the father if they agre...

Cloud Roulette

Three men in a car get into a crash and wind up in front of Saint Peter himself.

"Ah, first vist of the day! Not that I wanted you to die..." Saint Peter looks at a small clipboard and says, "Names!"

All men respond with their full names.

"Okay then... What? That's odd... None o...

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