UPJOKE
teleporterremotebeamdistancetransporterassistare

Teleports Jokes

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

Teleports behind you

We've updated our Privacy & Policy

Three men are stranded on an island

One is russian, one is german and one is british.

Suddenly a goldfish appears and says: "The water around this island is magical, if you jump in it and say where you wanna go you will be teleported there."

The russian jumps into the water and yells "MOSCOW!" and POOF he teleports to Mo...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are stranded on a desert island. One day, the Englishman finds a genie in a lamp who grants him three wishes. Because the Englishman is such a nice fellow, he asks the genie if he can share the three wishes...

The genie agrees and heads over to the other men, explaining the situation.

"Alright, Mr. Englishman, you get one wish", declares the genie.

"I miss the bustling streets of London, I wish to be sent back to England".

"Your deed is done", says the genie, who then teleports the ...

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.


D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?



W: You loc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese man are lost in a desert...

The three of them find a bottle in the sand and a genie appears. The genie says to them that he'll grant each of them three wishes.

The American says "I wish for alot of money". The genie grants his first wish. "I wish for even more money" The genie grants the wish again. "I want to use my th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bad joke

A guy finds a genie and says his wish is to fuck a goddess in a golden garden. He gets it, has some awkward sex in a lush garden with golden plants and teleports back to the genie. He then realised his mistake and asks the samething as a second wish. This time, before the goddess appears, he starts ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A german, a french and an italian are walking down the street...

Suddenly a genie appears in front of them and says: “You lucky men, come with me!” and teleports them in front of 3 empty pools. He then says: “You have to jump from the diving board and say what you want your pool to be full of.”
The german jumps and says: “Beer!” and he falls into the pool with...

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

Three guys are stuck on an island.

Three guys are stuck on an island with no supplies to survive or give an SOS signal, so one of them starts digging to see if they can get fresh water. He instead finds a lamp and the genie pops out after he rubs it.

"I'm kinda tired today, so I'm only granting one wish each for the three of y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to hell

Three men go to hell and the Devil offers them all a second chance on earth as long as they can out smart him. The first man steps up and says "I'm gonna melt this block of cheese and I bet you can't put it back together." The man melts the cheese and the Devil puts his hands over it, turning it bac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.