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Socialists Jokes

What did socialists use before candles?

... Electricity

Why can't you tell socialists a joke?

Because not everyone will get it.

Queso is the perfect food for socialists....

'cause everybody chips in!

Why do socialists only drink decaffeinated tea?

Because proper tea is theft

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.

The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."

A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.

"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.

"No, we're mostly left."

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...

... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First they came for the Communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

By the time they got to me, they didn't have any jizz left, so they couldn't come for me.

A pair of Lightbulb Jokes

How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.



How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to hold a carton the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored b...

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

The devil is giving a banker a tour of hell...

... and as they're passing the pits of despair the banker notices a pit with no guards.
"Won't the sinners escape with no guards?" Asks the banker.
The devil replies, "Oh that pit is filled with the socialists, they don't need guards. As soon as one crawls out the others pull him back in."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I first became an Ancap.....

>When I first became an Ancap, I was just an unemployed high schooler who had never worked a labor job in his entire life. I had that whole "welfare recipients are parasites, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, forcing people to subsidize your shitty life choices is morally wrong, nobody is...

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