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Smokers Jokes

Why are pot smokers always asking "What?"

They're doobie-ous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smokers Delight

3 old ladies were smoking cigarettes behind the nursing home. It started to rain so two of them threw their cigarettes on the ground all pissed off. The third one pulled a condom out of her pursue, rolled it down her cigarette and continued smoking. The other two asked in amazement where she had got...

2 smokers are out on a cruise on a boat.

They realise they are stuck in the middle of the sea without a lighter.

Smoker 1: What are we gonna do?

Smoker 2 proposes a solution, “I will throw one cigarette out of the boat into the water.”

Smoker 1 is confused, and smoker 2 tells him to observe. He throws a cigarette out i...

Smokers are great people to go camping with

You can easily outrun them if a Bear attacks

The officer was blunt about what happens to marijuana smokers

He takes them to the joint.

What do you call a group of weed smokers?

A joint family.

Why don't pot smokers run in weighted clothing?

It's bad for your joints.

2 weed smokers were sitting in a room mad at each other,

the tension was high .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why smokers are sexy

Because they have butts

Mob of Pot Smokers Overthrowing Government:

"This is a high coup!"

One in four people look down on smokers.

More proof that smoking stunts your growth.

Let's show a little appreciation for smokers.

If it wasn't for them, it would have been many years until we could have charged our phones in cars.

I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray."

"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.

Smokers go out in the cold for 10+ minutes a day and freeze their asses off in the winter and what do they do they get in return?

Cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The dangers of smoking"

A man is standing outside in the "smoking zone" of an airport on a freezing cold January morning, smoking one last cigarette before his 16 hour, non-stop flight to Hong Kong for a business trip.

Another man walks up to him and says "do you have any idea how bad that is for you? Don't you know...

No smoking

A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" the guy asks. "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." "Dang it, not again!" the bartender exclaims as he heads ...

One farmer asks another

\- "Are your cows smokers?"

\- "No, that would be ridiculous!"

\- "Then your barn is on fire."

Two elderly widows, Dolores and Mary, met at a restaurant after a heavy rain.

Both were smokers, but they arrived drenched from head to toe. Dolores noticed that Mary’s cigarette was still dry because it had a covering. Dolores said "Mary, what's that on your cigarette?" Mary responded "It's a condom. I buy them at the drugstore to keep my cigarettes dry on rainy days." D...

I used to be a huge fan of tractors.

When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.

11 years later standing in the do...

Religious smoking joke

A Franciscan and a Jesuit were friends. They were both smokers who found it difficult to pray for a long period of time without having a cigarette. They decided to go to their superiors and ask for permission to smoke.

 

When they met again, the Franciscan was downcast. “I ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the corner shop earlier to get some cigarettes.

The shopkeeper handed me a packet. The warning on it said, “Smokers Die Younger”.

I said, “No, not this one. My parents wouldn’t like that.”

He handed me another. The warning on it said, “Smoking Causes Cancer”.

I said, “No, not this one either. My doctor wouldn’t like that.”...

There was a young man who was obsessed with tractors as long as he could remember...

When the “World’s Biggest Tractor” was going to be displayed at the county fair, he knew he had to go. He saved up some money, drove to the event, and was first in line to see the tractor up close.

As he was examining the wheels, the tractor ended up lurching forward, pinning his legs as he t...

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