This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the li...

Hey ya know what the good thing about schools shutting down is?

We might hit a new record for longest time without a school shooting!

Dentist: "This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?"

Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: "Yes, ready."

Dentist: "That will be $700 please."

My favorite native american restaurant is shutting down.

They didn't get enough reservations.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My ex and her parrot.

My ex had a talking parrot. This large kind with curved beak and multicolored feathers.

That disgusting creature talked all day and night never shutting its mouth!

And the parrot had to listen to all that crap.

I think they are shutting down the IRS...

I just got a letter stating that it was my "last notice"!

Horse committee is shutting down

Too many neighsayers.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Trump is talking about shutting the government back down on the 15th

I am surprised he isn't doing it on the 14th, then he could fuck the whole US for Valentine's day

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

The Casket

A man floored it in his car because he was being chased by a casket, rolling down the road at Godspeed. He drove and drove until his car ran out of gas.

The casket still chasing him and his house being a half a mile away, he ran down the street and into his house, shutting the door behind hi...

No wonder weโ€™re shutting down.

Trump did say he was going to run the government like one of his businesses.

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

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