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Shutting Jokes

Hey ya know what the good thing about schools shutting down is?

We might hit a new record for longest time without a school shooting!

No wonder we’re shutting down.

Trump did say he was going to run the government like one of his businesses.

Horse committee is shutting down

Too many neighsayers.

My favorite native american restaurant is shutting down.

They didn't get enough reservations.

A policeman is driving past a roadside apple stand when he notices the sign: "Apple seeds, guaranteed to make you smarter, $20 per seed."

He pulls over and informs the vendor that it is fraud and false advertising to make absurd claims like this.

"No, no, no," the vendor tells the cop, "my apples are a special variety. A scientific miracle. Buy just one seed, eat it, and you will notice an increase in intelligence. If not, I pr...

I think they are shutting down the IRS...

I just got a letter stating that it was my "last notice"!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is talking about shutting the government back down on the 15th

I am surprised he isn't doing it on the 14th, then he could fuck the whole US for Valentine's day

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

Vine is shutting down

I might actually make more in a year than a vine star does in a week.

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

Big Burly Biker walks into a bar

He sees this tiny nerdy looking guy staring at his filled drink and decides he wants to mess with him. The Biker walks over takes the glass and slams the drink in one swig. At this the nerdy guy just starts bawling like a baby.


The Biker filled with remorse tells him to calm down an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

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