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Shades Of Jokes

50 shades of golf

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going and that she's got something else planned. Naturally, Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do...

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

Fifty Shades of Grey

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What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey...

For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched 50 Shades of Grey with my parents and Christ if all the sex didn't make the whole thing awkward.

I could barely see the screen with my mom bent over like that.

I've just written a book called "Fifty Shades of Gravy"

It's very saucy

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Why do women find the guy in 50 Shades of Grey sexy?

beats me

I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight

Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

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My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.

First, she wants me to become a billionaire.

Today my wife showed me all about the 50 Shades of Gray.

Then we picked one. Now I have to paint the bedroom.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

50 shades of grey

Girl 1: Hey have you read 50 shades of grey yet?
Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover!
Girl 1: And the index?
Girl 2: Exhausted...

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I was talking to my buddy about 50 Shades Of Grey

He said "yeah, my wife and I have been doing S&M for years."
"Really!", I said, "I had no idea!"
"Sure," he said, "she sleeps and I masturbate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did E. L. James learn to write “50 Shades of Grey”?

AP Cliterature

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

My son can only see in shades of beige,

Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness.

What do you call someone who has watched all the "Shades of Grey" movies?

A glutton for punishment...

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption.

I guess I'm not in her good books.

50 shades of grey broke a lot of box office records for R-rated movies…

Well first it tied them, then it beat them.

I accidentally walked into my daughter’s room and was shocked to see her reenacting a fantasy scene from 50 Shades of Grey.

Like the one where she gets a decent job right out of college.

Apple and Fifty Shades of Gray are popular for the same reason ...

... they both offer the fantasy of being dominated by a rich guy, who pushes the boundarys of what you though you were into.

What do you get if you cross 50 Shades of Grey with Blurred Lines?

A greydient

Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history...

Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....

[credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]

The trainee competition judge arrived at the village fair

He meets his mentor at the entrance.

"Nice to meet, nice to meet, nice to meet you," stammers the mentor. "Forgive my, forgive my, forgive my speech impediment."

"Please, don't worry about it," says the trainee.

They head off to judge the villagers' chilli peppers. They come to...

What is a New Zealander’s favorite book?

50 Shades of Graze

I’m giving out my personal credit card info to anyone that wants it

It’s several shades of blue, very thin, about 3” long and 2” tall with these little raised numbers and letters on it, it has what looks like a SIM card on one end, a WiFi symbol looking thingy on the front, it has a bunch of tiny words and some additional numbers on the back with a solid black secti...

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Did you hear about the medical student who wrote a porn novel?

It's called 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy.

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I like recording myself drinking tea whilst having kinky sex with a woman...

...I call the video "50 shades of Earl Grey"

My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not.

Q: What type of bees make milk?

A: BOO-Bees!

And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.

A Woman Was Redecorating Her House

But when it came time to choose her window curtains, she was torn between two different shades of blue. One set was a darker shade - which matched the sofa, and the other was a lighter shade - which matched the chair. No matter how she tried to justify one over the other, she could not come to a dec...

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Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

I think it’s only fair the week after Black Friday be called White Friday

And then with the remaining Fridays before the next Black Friday, you can have fifty shades of grey.

How about some snappy one-liners?

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

John's wife won't let him go fishing with his buddies

They have all went together on a fishing/camping trip the past four years together. But this year she wouldn't let him. The guys were very disappointed

Two days later the other guys made it to the campsite and noticed John was sitting by a fire with a cold beer. The tent was already set and s...

Television was never really black and white before color

It was basically just 50 shades of gray

The fishing trip

So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.

"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Of course, the others were...

I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel...

....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.

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What is Trump's favorite book?

50 Shades of Grey: the story of a billionaire dominating and fucking a dumb American.

Do you want to satisfy your hardcore food fetish?

Buy my new book: 50 Shades of Grey Poupon

50 Shades

He slowly but firmly grabs my throat. I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'


- 50 Shades of Macy Gray.

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