God and his 2 omnipotent friends are deciding how they should make their new world,

When trying to decide what to add to their world God's first friend says "We need to create a large strong animal that can pull around our people's machinery and that they can ride long distances to save their legs"

"Don't worry" said God "I have just the thing from the last world I made, the...

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What does an omnipotent God do with his penis?

Fuck all.

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Curtis

So, imagine a guy named Curtis. Curtis was no ordinary man. You see, he was MAGICAL. Nearly omnipotent.

One day, Curtis decides to make use of his power, and he takes a marker, and a trillion sheets of paper. On each sheet he draws an E as large as he can.

Every time you did someone a...

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A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot come before the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks over the three of them and says, "Heaven's getting pretty full, so I can only let one of you in. The other two will have to go to hell." So he snaps his fingers and Satan appears.

Satan says, "Each of you can ask me one question. If you can stump me on the first try, you win, ...

I wanted to be friends with...

Hoping to become friends, I started talking to a sea anemone. After a couple minutes of talking, I asked him about his family, and he became hostile.

It was a touchy topic.

*Edit: spelling (anemone).
Thanks, u/OmnipotentDog! (How did you know?)

A good businessman

There was this successful businessman who not only had loads of cash, but he was a genuinely good person. He had a charity which was truly non-profit, he helped impoverished communities, he lived frugally and didn’t overtly display his wealth.

His one ‘vice’ was his Harley. He loved ridin...

A Communist dies...

...at home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, ...

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