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Backwoods Jokes

A man is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of an old, shanty style house that says - “Talking dog for sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog t...

A guy walks into a backwoods Arkansas bar and orders a glass of white wine.

One of the bubbas at the pool table walks over looking for trouble. He asks, "Where you from, mister?" The guy replies that he's from San Francisco. The rednecks in the bar all laugh, and the bubba says, "So what do you do there in San Francisco?" The guy answers, "Well I'm a taxidermist." The bubb...

Two man are driving along the backwoods of Pennsylvania

...when their car breaks down leaving them stranded. An Amish fellow pulls up in a horse drawn carriage and offers them a ride.
As they are riding to town one of the men asks "What's it like? Living without cell phones or internet?"
The amish fellow responds "It's alright, I get pictures of ...

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Self-proclaimed "west virginia backwoods Redneck" told me these were the best jokes ever, tha. Waid "birds's gotta eat, just like a worm."

what do you call a deer with no eyes? ... .

No eye deer.


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Still no eye deer.

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Bagpiper

A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service, for a homeless man who had no family or friends...

The funeral was to be held at a cemetery, in the remote countryside, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As the bagpiper was not fami...

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Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

Big

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across...

Went on a trek one time...

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the re...

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

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Two Japanese men are driving at night.

To improve their English, they choose to speak in English for the duration of their drive. Not only must they get used to English, they must get used to the differences in the car compared to cars in Japan.

As they set off in the pitch dark road in the backwoods, one of them immediately spea...

Oldie but still good...

This seems to fit here:

Some sub-par counterfeiters discovered that their latest run of bills were all $18 denominations. They realized that they couldn’t pass them off in the city so they headed out to the hinterlands to try and pass them off.

They stopped at a backwoods general stor...

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Texas Three Kick Rule.

A lawyer from California was duck hunting between a lake, and a farm.

The Lawyer was a bad shot, and scared all the ducks into the air. One finally landed on the fence of the farm across from the lake. The lawyer took aim, and fired. The duck keeled over and fell onto the dirt on the farm's s...

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year...

... at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from the Czech Republic to visit. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spen...

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Redneck party

This guy moves from New York to a really backwoods part of West Virginia, where he's miles from anyone. After about 2 months on his own, there's a knock on the door. He opens the door to see this huge redneck with a massive beard and yellow teeth.

The redneck says "I'm yer neighbor from up ...

Hold this lantern . . .

In the backwoods of Appalachia, Mr. Johnson's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby...

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Mountain Man

Well Tom was a high powered business man and successful stock market trader, but he sure was fed up with life in the fast lane of New York City. Fed up with the hustle and the bustle. Fed up with the fickle market. But one night, sipping scotch, he realized that the root of all his problems was PEOP...

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The Invitation

A writer decides to get away from it all so he can finish his novel undisturbed, so he rents an isolated cabin way up in the mountains and takes up residence in it. His closest neighbor is several miles away, but he does catch a glimpse of him from afar once in a while, when the neighbor is out hunt...

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