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Ranked Jokes

Who is the only higher ranked officer in the Chicken Army above Colonel Sanders?

General Tso.

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

"Hey, our state was ranked as one of the 'Best States for Education!'"

"Really?"
"Yeah! We made it into the top 50."

What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential.

The steaks weren't very high

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

I don't know why people are saying the Russian military is weak

They're ranked #2 in Ukraine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the pandemic casual sex among young adults has been in decline

But ranked competitive sex has risen

Omg it took an hour for my friend and I to realize that our Uber driver was a celebrity!!

He’s even ranked top ten in the list of most desired people in the world by the FBI!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At your age...

Teacher:

You idiots! At Your Age, Einstein Ranked First in Class. What about You???

Student:

Sir, At Your Age, Hitler Committed Suicide..! What about You???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the Racist Scale from 1 to 10

Hitler was ranked as a nein

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a lonely person getting trolled and a wanted sexual offender?

Ones a pranked Redditor, the other is a ranked predator.

Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation...

yep, we're ranked 53rd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nice legs

Once upon a time there was a contest to find those people on Earth who had the best legs. Over six hundred million prizes were available, and each prize was for a life-altering sum of money, so almost every human on Earth took part.

Unbeknownst to them, the contest had been organised by Sata...

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