UPJOKE
presidentelectionelectoralelectballotelectorpresidencyparliamentpsephologycandidatevetocampaignelectivevoterselection

Presidential Election Jokes

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

Las Vegas will decide the presidential election

What are the odds?

Today marks 69 days until the US Presidential Election...

...nice

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

2016 Presidential Election

Me: I don't like Trump.

Everyone: So you support a liar like Hillary? She should be in jail!

Me: I don't like Hillary.

Everyone: So you support a racist like Trump?! He doesn't stand for American values!

Me: I don't like either.

Everyone: So you're going to waste y...

Whats the difference between a presidential election and a nascar race?

In nascar they wear their sponsors on their shirts.

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election!

As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican

Donald Trump still doesn’t realize that he has lost the 2020 Presidential Election.

Things like this become obvious when the writing is on the wall, but the wall was never finished.

*Spoiler* US Presidential Election Result Leaked

The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins.

why did the 2016 presidential election suck?

It was a real Hack job.

Why does the Russian presidential election smell bad?

Cause the winners always pootin'

-Sorry

Someone just asked me, "Who do you think will win the 2020 Presidential Election?"

I said, I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results from the 2016 Presidential Election are in...

Turns out no one in the fucking country voted, so President Obama took it upon himself to come up with a way to decide the next President. He told Bernie, Trump and Hillary that they would have an actual race. One lap around the White House and the fastest time would be the next Commander In Chief.<...

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election.

That's because I've got 2020 vision.

Major takeaway of the USA 2016 presidential elections...

...Mexicans

I'm appalled that the quadriplegic society won't allow me to run in their presidential election

I won't stand for it!

Who will win the next presidential election with 120% approval rating?

Putin

If you're upset about the presidential election, just wait four years

then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye

Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

Why did Donald Trump win Florida in the Presidential Election?

Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy.

What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?

Orange is the new black.

The current presidential election is like marrying in your late 30s...

The ex you truely loved is gone, the decent ones are no longer an option, so you have to choose between what little choice you have left.

With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ...

... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.

Joe, why haven't you tossed your hat in the ring for the presidential election?

I'm Biden my time.

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there’s no flow it’s just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can’t perform for too long

we truly have Electile Dysfunction

It's the end of the 2016 presidential election and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted .

The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide the next president. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The two candidates line up at the starting line. Trump goes first, clocking in at 14:26. Hillary Clinton goes next, running as fast as ...

And the winner of the 2016 presidential election is Hillary!

- Steve Harvey

The Presidential Election for 2016 is like a blunt pencil.

Pointless.

What do the NBA and the presidential election have in common?

There's only two candidates, and nobody wants either of them to win!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese went to a temple and asked a monk: "Who will win the United States presidential election?" The monk point his finger towards a dog shit...

The Chinese was confused and asked the monk: "Did you mean both of them are shits? Or the shittiest one will win?"

The monk replied: "It means, I don't give a shit."

An oligarch, a theocrat, and two architects of the prison industrial complex walk into a bar...

Sorry, I misplaced my notes. Those are just the choices for the US Presidential election.

I just read some great political news today!...

...Arizona, Georgia and North Carolina have all projected that they will probably have the 2020 ballots counted in time for the 2024 presidential election.

What do call the world's biggest puppet show?

The US presidential election.

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

It's hard to win an argument against a woman. Impossible to win against an idiot

And that concludes my examination of the 2016 Presidential election

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's between a cunt and an asshole?

The tainted presidential election.

Can't you just feel the excitement in the air?!!?

Only one more day left until the start of the 2020 Presidential Election Season!!

The Baby Boomers decided to leave us with one last present.

This Presidential election.

The iPhone doesn't have a headphone jack and the Samsung battery is exploding...

It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Presidential Race

No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. ...

Islamic state claimed responsibility

for american presidential elections.

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Junk foods are so versatile!

A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long)

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would g...

Letter to the IRS

## Letter to the IRS – Oh, if only paying our federal income tax were actually this easy …

Attn: IRS

Enclosed is my current tax return & payment.

Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171....

The 5 stages of Election Day

The 5 stages of presidential election ending.
1) Denial(while results are being tallied) - this isn't happening. No this can't be.

2) Anger (after the results are in) - the words described are not repeatable and may not be suitable for young children.

3) Bargaining (a few hours a...

The candle

It's two months away from the presidential election. Current president also running the presidency again, but he's already losing. One devoted supporter goes to a subway and asks the people to gather around him.

"I'm gonna tell you all a story" shouts the supporter. He continues, "Once upon a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.