UPJOKE
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Chooser Jokes

A homeless man approached me as I was leaving a sandwich shop…

… and he asked me if I had $5 to spare. I felt bad for him, and was just about to give him the money.

But then I realized I was holding a $5 foot long I had just bought, so I held up both the cash and the sandwich and told him he could have whichever one he preferred.

He stared at th...

Finally after two weeks of fruitless tracking through the jungle one of our local guides received word that tigers had been spotted just outside a neighbouring village.

Personally I'd been hoping for stripey ones but beggars can't be choosers.

Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir?

Customer: Whatever, you pick.

Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can’t be choosers.

Why must the grocery store workers let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic?

Because baggers can’t be choosers.

Why can’t the guy singing “Mambo No. 5” can’t decide between all these women?

Because Begas can’t be choosers.

A health-conscious man got a job as...

... a grocery packer. Every day he watched customers buy candy, soda, potato chips and processed snacks. He knew people were damaging their health with these unhealthy foods choices.

One day, he couldn't take it anymore. When he saw a customer with their cart full of particularly unhealthy ju...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bum finds a lamp on a beach

He was looking for cans but decided to rub the lamp. To his astonishment a genie came out.

"You may have two wishes." the genie said and while the bum was hoping for three, beggars can't be choosers.

"I want a bottle of vodka that's never empty." and the genie instantly summons him a ...

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

Our local planned parenthood refuses to provide homeless women with abortions.

They say beggars can't be choosers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does my kinky friend not care what objects his girlfriend puts in his butt?

Because peggers can't be choosers

There was this rusty old medical needle.

He was sad because he’d been used and just discarded like trash.

Being sad and lonely, one day he decided to sign up with an agency to help him find the woman of his dreams.

They hooked him up with a big fat syringe. He wasn’t very attracted to her, (he liked his women to be a bit more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You Never Know What We'll Get

It was the height of the depression and man was feeling pretty lonely. As he was out of work and only had a dollar to his name he made his way to the local house of ill-repute in the hopes of curbing his loneliness. He walks in, approaches the Madam and says, 'say, all I've got is a dollar. Is there...

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