Pregnant Woman Jokes - 61 Hilarious Pregnant Woman Jokes

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What do a burned pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn't pull out in time

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One unfortunate night, a pregnant woman gets shot 3 times in the stomach,

She goes to the doctor and luckily everything was fine. She gave birth to triplets, all healthy. 2 girls and one boy.

......fast forward 15 years later......

One girl rushed to her mother and complained "mom, I was peeing today and a bullet came out" The mother sat her down and explain...

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A pregnant woman was shot 3 times in the stomach.

She survived, luckily enough, and so were her unborn children. Triplets, she found out soon enough. Two girls and a boy.

They were born with absolutely no problems, healthy babies and unaffected by the trauma.

Fast forward 13 years, she's sitting in her kitchen, enjoying a cup of coff...

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A pregnant woman from Virginia

was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsom...

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Pregnant woman got shot 3 times

A pregnant woman with triples got shot in the stomach 3 times as an innocent bystander.
She went to the hospital and they examined and said luckily No surgery is needed and bullets will come out naturally.

She goes on to have 3 healthy boys. After many years go by one day one of her sons...

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A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

A pregnant woman is hit by a car....

She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,...

A pregnant woman goes into a coma

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doc...

A pregnant woman falls into a coma

After some months she wakes up in a hospital bed and as she gains consciousness she realises that her pregnancy belly is gone.

A doctor is standing next to her bed greeting her. "Hello, you have been in a coma for six months. But don't worry you are on good health and will be released soon!"<...

Pregnant woman on a bus...

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. And each time she switched seats, the man got increasingly am...

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank

and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor says, "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They'r...

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A pregnant woman was shot during a bank robbery...

After being rushed to the hospital and treated in the ER, the doctor tells her some good and bad news. The good news is that she's having triplets, all boys and they're all healthy, the bad news is that they've each got a bullet inside of them and will pass this Bullet naturally in +- 18 years.
<...

What do you call a pregnant woman?

A body builder

28 years ago I kicked a pregnant woman for the last time.

Today's my birthday

What is common between burned bread, drowned man and pregnant woman?

Pulled out too late!

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back.

A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turns to a do...

A pregnant woman enters the delivery room with her husband

The doctor tells them that a new scientific breakthrough has been achieved : A way to transfer pain felt from one person to another. "This way, you can share the pain between the two of you, if you wish." The husband and wife agree.

"Great", says the doctor. "Considering men don't come close ...

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank

A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene.

The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 yea...

A pregnant woman screams COULDN’T WOULDN’T SHOULDN’T CAN’T…

The Dr said “nothing to worry about, those are contractions”.

What’s the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

How can you be polite to a pregnant woman?

By including the child in the greeting.

What is exaggerated politeness?

By shaking the child´s hand too.

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[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

What do a Dam and a pregnant woman have in common?

All hell breaks loose when the water breaks.

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How does a pregnant woman in Texas get a legal abortion?

Trespass.

A pregnant woman afraid of giving birth asks her doctor for a solution

Long but one my dad told me 10+ years ago.

A woman and her husband go and talk to their doctor about her fears of child birth. She says she is far too afraid of the pain and worries that she will not be able to endure it, she asks the doctor if there is anything at all that might lower the p...

I kicked a pregnant woman

She gave birth to me 3 months later.

A pregnant woman is talking to her friend

A pregnant woman, who is expecting twins, is talking to her friend. The friend asks her:

"Have you already picked some names you like?"

"Yes. If it's girls I want to name one Kate."

"Why?"

"So the other one can be DupliKate."

...

"And what if it's boys...

A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop

“When is it due” he asks.

“Two weeks” she replies.

“I guess I’ll just walk then” he responds.

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank...

While in the bank a group of robbers come in and demanded everyone to hit the ground and the tellers empty the tills. When the lady couldn't get down fast enough one of the robbers panicked and shot her three times in her belly and caused her to collapse. When she woke up hours later she found the r...

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A pregnant woman

One day a women who is nine months pregnant with triplets was walking down the street. She crosses path with a bank robber and is shot three times in the belly. She is taken to the hospital and gives birth to three healthy babies. 13 years later one of the daughters comes crying into her mom's room ...

What's a pregnant woman's favorite clothing brand?

Fruit of the womb!

A Pregnant Woman walks into a bar

A Man Sitting on the Bar stool next to her: Well That sure Knocked her out.

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

I gave up my seat to a pregnant woman.

And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

I asked a pregnant woman if I could feel the baby

She said that I could, but once I started rolling my sleeve up past my elbow she ran away. Rude.

A young woman boards a packed bus and goes: "Won't someone give their seat to a pregnant woman?"

As she looks around, a young man jumps up and offers his seat: "Here, sit down!"
With a sigh, she lets herself down on the seat and says "Thank you so much!". The young man: "I'm sorry, but it's not very visible yet. How long have you been pregnant?" She answers: "For about half an hour now. My k...

What is the difference between a burnt cake and a pregnant woman?

If you had taken it out earlier, it wouldn’t have happened.

It is only good to kick a pregnant woman if you are ...

on the inside.

If a pregnant woman swims

she is a human submarine

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A pregnant woman was robbed and shot One night while out buying groceries, a pregnant woman was robbed and shot three times. She managed to survive, but the doctors were unable to remove the bullets from her body.

Even with the trauma her body sustained, she was still able to deliver a healthy set of triplets a few months later, two girls and a boy. The years went by and there was never any indication that the children were harmed by the attack, so she was eventually able to move past the whole ordeal, never ...

The pregnant woman

So a pregnant woman is walking towards the hospital to get induced into labor when a gunman walks out of an ally and demands all of her money. She hands it all over shakily and he shoots her three times in the stomach and she blacks out.
The woman wakes up in the hospital a couple days later...

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.

After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem...

What does living with a pregnant woman and being in a hostage situation have in common?

However some people may see it, I can't

Even imagine it in my own

Life because my wife is

Perfect in every way. She makes

Me complete. I love

Every part of her!

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

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Pregnant woman at the beach.

Jim and Bob were swimming when they saw a pregnant woman drowning.
They quickly pulled her to safety.
Jim starts giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation.
Bob takes off the woman's panties and puts his mouth on her pussy.

Jim: "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Bob: "You save the ...

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A pregnant woman was walking past the bank one day when she heard three gun shots...

The woman awoke to the sound of small voice cooing as she slowly tried to grasp her surroundings. As she awoke, laying in a hospital bed, in pain and confusion, the doctor explained that she was caught in the crossfire of an active bank robbery and was shot in the stomach 3 times. Miraculously, the...

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Yes, I know this is a 30+ year old joke, but hope it gave some people a chuckle

Everybody got SO mad when I kicked the pregnant woman

Apparently it's only cool when the baby does it.

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Pregnant woman in a train!

Pregnant lady: can I sit down in your place? I'm pregnant
Random guy: Hell no! Next time fuck someone who has a car!!

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What hurts the worst?

A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the balls?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a ...

What's the difference between a chicken and a pregnant woman?

You can't debone a pregnant woman.

A pregnant woman goes to a doctor for an ultrasound.

\-How is the baby, doctor?

\-Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your child will always have a parking spot.

A pregnant woman visits the doctor...

A nine-month pregnant woman goes to the doctor for her check-up. The doctor asks her how she feels.

"I am doing fine doctor, just waiting on my little bundle of joy. How much longer must I wait?"

"You're not ready yet. Come see me in two days and we'll see where you are."

Two d...

Pregnant Woman

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I kno...

Why did the pregnant woman refuse to tip the waiter?

Because the tip was the reason she got pregnant in the first place.

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A pregnant woman with triplets survives three gun shots

About 15 years ago a woman who was pregnant with triplets, two girls, one boy was shot in the stomach three times. She was rushed to the hospital she lived and all the triplets were uninjured what a miracle! So 15 years later the woman was making dinner for her family then her oldest daughter came d...

A pregnant woman was in line ahead of me at the store...

Out of no where, she starts giggling.

I asked, "Are you okay, ma'am?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine. My baby just told a joke."

"A joke? Seriously? What did it say?"

She replied, "Oh, I'm not sure you'd get it. It was an inside joke."

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A pregnant woman and her husband are at a party.

At some point, another woman pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. The pregnant woman's husband goes up to her and says : "Hey, can you not smoke in front of my wife? She's pregnant, and I don't want her to be tempted."

The pregnant woman answers : "Don't worry, honey. I never smoke when ...

A pregnant woman was shot three times . . .

She was rushed to the hospital where she was examined and told she would be fine. The doctors also checked on her baby, since the wounds were to her stomach, and informed her she was in fact pregnant with triplets, two girls and a boy and that all three children were fine.

The woman gave bir...

Why did the pregnant woman throw up at the funeral?

Mourning sickness.

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