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Pregnancy Test Jokes

One blonde tells another "I just took a pregnancy test"

The other replies: "Were the questions hard?"

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The Simple Pregnancy Test App

You just have to urinate on the sceeen. If the screen gets covered in piss you are not allowed to have kids.

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Why is a Grammar Nazi the best pregnancy test?

If you miss a period, you’ll know right away.

The Pregnancy Test

A friend of mine, married, no children, told me a corny joke today.... a dad joke. The next day he found out his wife is pregnant.

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

This pregnancy test I just took confirmed my worst fear.

I'm just fat.

The mommy whale went up to the daddy whale after taking a pregnancy test

She says to him, "Honey! I'm pregnant again! Can you believe it?"

With tears of joy he responds excitedly, "OMG Honey! This is amazing news! I've always wanted more children! I love you! Thank you!

She responds, "Your *whalecum.*"

Gave my blonde girlfriend 4 pregnancy tests today.

She rang me back sobbing, OMG! How am I going to look after 4 kids?

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two months...

Very worried, the mother goes to the farmacia (drugstore) and buys a pregnancy test. She brings it to her daughter who takes the test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing,
crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The...

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How do Jews do a pregnancy test?

The woman spreads her legs and the man throws a penny between them - if a hand darts out to snatch it up then it's a positive

My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend

Congratulations either way

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

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Man, if I got transformed into a pregnancy test...

...I'd be pissed!

PREGNANCY TEST!

Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail?

Dad: To pass obviously

Girl: OH GOOD, YOU'LL BE PROUD OF ME! I PASSED MY PREGNANCY TEST!

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?

They both require chickpea.

Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?

Because its period came too late.

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A woman rings the surgery to ask about a pregnancy test

The receptionist makes an appointment and says "Be sure to bring in a urine sample". The woman says "okay" and hangs up, then turns to her husband and says "What's a urine sample?". He looks puzzled and says "I don't know, it's not like I've ever been for a pregnancy test. But Betty next door has, w...

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I bought my friend four pregnancy tests and they all came out positive, and now she crying, she asked me..

“How the fuck am I going to feed four kids”

I was a bit worried so I took a pregnancy test

My mom will be proud, this is my first time passing a test!

Mom always told me to be positive...

So in a way, this pregnancy test is actually her fault.

My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test.

Pretty odd place to do cocaine if you ask me.

What's the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test?

A period.

Two blondes meet, one says: "I did a pregnancy test today."

The other one: "Was it hard?"

You don't have to study for a pregnancy test...

but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

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This guy was buying a pregnancy test. I looked at him and he looked back awkwardly.

"It's not for me," he said, embarrassed. "It's for my sister."

I said, "Sick bastard. Why are you having sex with her?"

Money makes every thing...

A girl missed her period 2 months ago,her mom
took her to the clinic for pregnancy test of which
it was positive.Embarrased, her mom said; who
is the pig that got you pregnant? The girl picked
up her phone and made a call, an hour later,a
young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the
...

What's the only positive from living in the ghetto?

Pregnancy tests

Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant..

Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"My girlfriend took one of those home pregnancy tests last night and it shows that she's pregnant," he complains to the bartender. "Are you going to keep it?" the bartender asks. "I don't see the point," the guy replies. "You can only use them once."

It's a cold night in Moscow, and Natasha and Sergey are getting busy in the back of Sergey's brand new Yugo.

The heat is on in more ways than one, and Natasha can tell that Sergey is getting close. She tries to stop him and ask, "Do you have protection?", but it's too late.

Two months later, Natasha is late, so she takes a pregnancy test. Sure enough, she's pregnant. In tears, she tells her parents....

Two blondes talking...

"I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
"Oh dear, were the questions hard?"

Bear Attack

An elderly man visits his doctor one day.

"I have some exciting news, Doctor!", exclaimed man, with excitement.

"What is it?", asked his doctor.

"My wife took a pregnancy test last week and, well.. we're expecting a child! Isn't it great!?"

"What!?", expressed the doct...

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