Had to take a drug test at work today. They said they found Opiates. I told them it was probably the poppy seeds on my bagel.
But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. Told them it was an everything bagel.
A guy goes into a grocery store.
He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:
"What are those?"
"Those are potatoes"
"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"
The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.
"What are those?"
A joke told to me by an old friend of mine (slightly offensive)
A father of 3 children is watching the news, when one of his daughters came in. She asked: “Daddy, why is my name Daisy?” The Father replied “because when you were born, a daisy fell onto your head.” His second daughter then asks “why is my name Poppy?” To which the father replied “because when you ...
Two elderly couples were having dinner together
An elderly couple was having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gents were talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant that I'd highly recommend."
The other man says, "What's the name of t...
A blind man walks into the bakery
A blind man walks into the bakery and asks for 8 poppy seed breads. While the baker gathers them for him, he asks: are you expecting any visitors? No, replies the blind man. But I’m going on vacation, and they have such lovely story’s written on them!
Where did Oscar the Grouch get all of his opiates from?
A mother and her children were talking. “Mom, why is my name rose?”said Rose. Mom replied “when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head, so we named you Rose.” “Why am I called Poppy?”said another child. “Because when you were a baby, a Poppy petal fell on your head, so we called y...
Respect for the fallen
I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a poppy on her backside.
It was in memory of all those who had died at the front.