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Polishing Jokes

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“A divorced dad, a Nazi, and a crazy person walk into a bar…”

The bartender looks up from polishing a glass and says “Oh, hi Kanye.”

I'm not racist but..

I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"

Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes

I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"

She said, "but I don't wear glasses."

I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it's empty.

Only the bartended, polishing a glass, is behind the bar.

"Where's everyone at?" Asks the cowpoke.

"At the hangin'." Bartender says.

"Hangin'?!" The cowboy asks. "Hadn't heard. Who are they stringing up?"

"The Brown Paper Kid."

"The Brown Paper Kid?"

"That...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Polishing my shoes

I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.

What's the feeling you get after polishing a peanut?

Post nut clarity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

A western guy gets a job polishing statues in a natural history museum in India

Before he starts working, some locals warn him of the last man who did this job. "Ve should inform you that the insect exhibit is cursed and the poor man's kid vound up dead after he vas seen cleaning here."

The guy says to them, "sounds like a bunch of superstitious nonsense!" and proceeds t...

Left my wife polishing my chainmail while I went to the pub

She said she wanted a night in, shining armour

A roll of duct tape walks into a bar. Bartender, polishing up a glass, asks politely: “What can I get you?”

The duct tape looks around, thinks for a moment and says, “I think I’ll just stick to my usual.”

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